This morning, as we repeatedly hit snooze on the alarm, my hubby and I were snuggling and wishing that we didn’t need to get up. We are snugglers, always have been. Anyway…..As I was laying there snuggled into his back and holding his hand I started thinking about how much I loved him. How much I respect him. And how our physical position was symbolizing how our relationship has developed. How I have his back in every aspect of our lives. If he succeeds, I will be there to celebrate with him. If he takes a chance and fails, I will be there to praise what went right and encourage him to try again. This was not always the case. This shift in power, if you will, has completely changed the way in which I love and feel love for him.
A few years ago, I began a journey. I don’t know what inspired it, but I do know it was of God. I was convicted of so many things and my need to be in control and fix everyone and everything was at the top of that list. All of the things that I struggled with, all of the things that I knew in my heart were wrong all came back to the root of controlling behavior and thought processes.
A quarrelsome wife is like constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. ~ Proverbs 27:15-16
The big ol bad word submission scared me. Sure, I knew that the man was supposed to lead, but I just got out of it by saying that my hubby wouldn’t….therefore, it defaulted to me. Because I felt that it defaulted to me, I got on a power kick…..a HUGE power kick. I did what I wanted, how I wanted, and when I wanted. Things needed to be done my way….ALWAYS….or I threw a fit and/or pouted until I got my way. Even typing this makes me cringe. I seriously had to have been horrible to live with.
I was so degrading. He wasn’t smart enough, he wasn’t motivated enough, he was self-centered, he wouldn’t lead our family, etc. Problem was, I wouldn’t let him. I was so consumed with looking good to everyone on the outside that I was convinced that my ways were always the best….and things must be done my way. And in his eyes, I was like trying to grasp oil with is hand……impossible, so why even try to lead me?
It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. ~ Proverbs 21:19
This verse touched me. Was I forcing my hubby to want to live alone, in a desert, so he didn’t have to deal with me?
Then I began thinking of how things would be if something happened to him. What if he didn’t come home? Suddenly, I didn’t necessarily care what others thought. I made it my mission to make him feel special and loved…and most importantly respected….everyday. I memorized Bible verses that reminded me to keep my mouth shut….regardless of how hard it was. I would ask myself “Does this really matter? Will it matter in an hour, a day, a week? Is it worth fighting over? Am I just acting like a princess?”
Giving up control of our lives was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It has also been the most rewarding. I have developed a love and a respect for my husband that I never knew was possible. It’s so much better than stressing about things not being done to my exact way of thinking.
With the possibility of sounding totally cheesy, I honestly feel like my heart could just burst every time I think of my hubby. I am now totally ok with him making decisions. I just don’t worry about it. I surrender my life to God on a daily basis and that freed me up to let my hubby lead and know that God is in control of all situations. If my hubby messes up, that faith (trust) in God reassures me that it will all work out in the end. It gives me the freedom to fully support my hubby and *gulp* submit in all areas, because it will all be ok.
So many women think that having control makes them better. Makes them be someone. I used to be one of them. I thank God that I’m not anymore.
Yes, I submit to my hubby in everything, but I am anything but a doormat. It has given me a love for him that I never knew was possible (and we were best friends even before this). In return, it has made my hubby respond to me in ways I never saw coming. Anyone that says submission is degrading is lying. It’s God’s design and it brings wonderful things into your life.
As a former control freak, bad attitude about everything, downer-in-general I want to let you know that you can change. You can become your hubby’s biggest fan without becoming a spineless jellyfish.
Make him dinner, rub his back, get up with him in the morning (if he likes you to), make his favorite dessert, give him lovin when he wants it (he is desiring you, after all, you want to send him looking elsewhere?), make sure the little things that bug him are taken care of. Learn what makes him tick. Listen without condemnation or judgement. Let him talk and don’t constantly say, “Yeah but what if this or that”. Encourage him to lead and do what he feels is best for his family…..and support it, don’t shove it in his face if he fails. Pick him up, dust him off, and send him back out.
God made men to need a helper. Are you that for your husband or are you another thing in this world he has to endure? Are you a safe haven or something else he has to shield his heart from?
I honestly can’t talk about my hubby to anyone without gushing. I am so proud of him and all he has become. I love him so much I could burst. He still makes me blush and giggle.
I don’t know if any of this would have happened if I wouldn’t have given up my control issues…..and for those of you still not convinced….I promise if you take the step it DOES get easier. It does become second nature. Just like any habit, the hardest part is getting started.
Your hubby needs you. He needs your respect and support. He needs your love. You will be rewarded more than you can imagine for swallowing your need for control and for your selfishness…….take the plunge….it’s worth it!