“You wives must submit to your husbands’ leadership in the same way you submit to the Lord.”
If your new to my blog and wonder what has been going on in our family start here. For part 1 on these lessons learned go here. Otherwise, read on………
“So you wives must willingly obey your husbands in everything, just as the Church obeys Christ”
~Ephesians 5:22 & 24
These verses are hard for some to swallow. Some being me. I was sure that I knew better than my hubby. I was sure that he would do the wrong thing. I had to be in control.
Problem was, I wasn’t in control. I wasn’t in control of anything but chaos. I wasn’t in control of my attitudes, my tongue, my anything. I can now see that the chaos happening in our lives was because of me. I think I actually liked conflict. I always had to have the last word and I was going to do whatever I wanted because I was an adult….no one could tell me what to do.
I was the one that graduated high in my high school class. I was the one that was expected to go to college and do great things (re: make lots of money). My hubby wasn’t expected to do any of those things. He goofed off in high school and had no intention of having a higher education. That obviously made me smarter than he was, right? How do you give the reins of your life over to someone like that? He was more interested in fishing and hunting to do anything important…….
“Lord, forgive me“…….I was so wrong!
I have loved my hubby from the first date we went on. Sure, I didn’t think he was capable of leading our family because of his past. Skipping school, bad grades, nonchalant attitude about education. But, what does that have to do with anything?
I was first convicted of my attitude, mainly my argumentative mouth. My nagging, degrading, always-had-to-be-right, always-had-to-have-the-last-word, loud, insensitive, hit-you-where-it-hurts mouth. This sort of things is addressed several times in the Bible.
“It is better to live in the corner of an attic than with a crabby woman in a lovely home.”
“Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining woman”
“Keep your mouth closed and you’ll stay out of trouble”
~Proverbs 21:9 & 19 & 23
(that is a few examples, there are so many more)
I started by praying moment to moment “Lord, keep my mouth shut” when something was happening that I didn’t like. At the same time, I started asking my hubby to make decisions. Before I said anything, I’d say, “What do you think about this” or “What do you want to do about______”. If I had an opinion I would say, “Well, here’s what I think….but I see your point and I will stand behind whatever you decide“. I was respectful and I stopped trying to get him to agree with me. If he did, wonderful. If he didn’t that was okay. I became comfortable with him making decisions for our family.
I began to see that he was more insightful and didn’t react ‘in the moment’. He saw the bigger picture. He was making decisions based on reasoning and the whole issue, not on emotions.
I was told once that our hubby’s have to answer to God for how their families are. What a weight to carry. I am thankful that it’s not me that has to carry that. That statement changed how I felt about making decisions in our family. It wasn’t my place. That’s not what I was created for. I was created to be my hubby’s helper….not his keeper.
Today’s society is so scared of the word submit or obey. Problem is they don’t have any problem submitting to the decision making ability given to presidents, pastors, bosses, etc. They see them as ‘decision maker’ roles so there’s no fight there. Just because you submit to your hubby doesn’t make you a doormat. I discuss things with my hubby and we mostly decide together….I have just decided that if we are at an impasse I let him make the final decision. And I don’t complain or pout about it. I have seen firsthand how my decisions would’ve resulted in disaster and his cool headed decision was truly the best, in hindsight.
Men were created to lead and when you submit to that God given order of things, you realize that his ways truly are best.
Tomorrow, I’ll elaborate on how my life has changed since I let my hubby lead…..for those of you that say, “My hubby isn’t a leader” or “He just won’t take charge so I have to”….this is for you…..until then……..