You will never change your life until you change something that you do daily.
~ John Maxwell
Since my life so drastically changed 4 years ago, my writing has been sporadic, to say the least. I have been on a great journey of self-discovery. It has been so very difficult. Every time I feel that I am making progress, I seem to slip up. Things don’t go the way I wanted them to or hoped they would. I have
chased looked into countless opportunities and wasted too much money and always end up back in the same place.
Right where I began. Except with an overwhelming feeling of failure and a smaller bank account. I have written this same kind of post several times, yet I always fall back into not doing anything after I hit “publish”. My life hasn’t changed because my daily habits and routines haven’t changed.
I absolutely desire to help others. That is what I was all about before my life changed forever. It made me be better because I knew that the lessons that I was learning regarding my marriage and family were helping others. It made me desire to change myself from the inside so that I could be a better support to those struggling and hurting.
Thing is, I spent years developing the person that I was back then.
And then things changed.
As peaceful as I felt when I lost my 1st husband, nothing was the same. Suddenly, I was on my own. And who was I? Who was I without Chad? I didn’t know and, honestly, I didn’t want to know. What was really important to me and what direction did I want my new life to go in? What did God want for my new life and how was this tragedy going to further His kingdom?
I believe that I am finally starting to figure out a little of who I am and what I want for my life. It is so so so hard to look back at Facebook memories of last year at this time and see all of the motivational quotes about not being in the same place next year. I’m still here…….and I’m tired of it.
Yep, I said that 2 years ago and I said it last year, but this year is different. I will not be in the same place next year. I’m not completely sure what direction my life is going to take yet, but that will not stop me this time.
I have felt the Lord telling me to BE STILL for the last several weeks…..yet I just keep moving. Looking. Searching. Falling. Failing.
I listened to a podcast today by Alisa Keeton of Revelation Wellness. It was called Be Still. And it resonated with me. It was just a time for me to put on my headphones, turn the lights off, lay on my bed, and be still.
I recognize how important it is to do my devotions and to pray and to move my body in exercise, but I am slooooowly discovering how important it is to just be still……..to just not talk and to listen. To not figure anything out. To stay out of God’s way.
I want so much to feel fulfillment. I want to feel needed and wanted. But no matter what I end up doing with my life, I will not be fulfilled unless I listen to what God wants to tell me. It will never be enough. There will never be enough followers, there will never be enough money, there will never be enough people encouraged, I will never be thin enough…………..
Unless God is my first priority. Unless I listen to Him first. If all of this is for Him and His glory, the rest will fall into place. He will tell me where to go and what to do, I don’t need to figure anything out, I just need to listen and move when He says to, in the way He says to.
My first step into obedience is to get back to regularly writing in this space, and to also include videos. I want to be personable. I want to be real. I want to share what I’m learning with you as if we are just sitting having coffee (or tea or whatever works for you :))
Join me tomorrow when I will post my first video sharing a few things that I’m learning and where I see my journey leading for the time being. I am sick of my life being the same and it is my commitment to myself to do something every day to move it in a different direction. I will fail, I will do less than I should sometimes, I will get frustrated, I will want to quit at some point…….but this time quitting isn’t an option. Neither is sitting around soaking up everyone else’s life and wishing mine was different.
If I don’t take action, nothing will change.
That has become an unacceptable option for me. Life is short, I will not waste any more of it.
Come back tomorrow for a list of my goals for 2017. I will also be sharing my kick in the pants motivational sayings, verses, and books that are lighting a fire under me.
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“See” you tomorrow!!!!