I have always been one for self-improvement. I love to learn and go deep. I love to figure out the whys of how I am and the root causes that make me act the way I do. The introspection also allows me to be able to identify things in myself that I don’t like and how I can change that.
Since completing my Revelation Wellness training and retreat, I see myself and this world so differently. I see how I used to strive to be acceptable. To fit in with the crowd. I was constantly deciding what I should or shouldn’t be doing based on how I thought it would come across to others. One statement that Alisa Keeton, founder of RevWell, says often is that we don’t ‘should‘ on ourselves or others. There is no “I should do or not do this or that“. No “you should be doing this or that“. Should is a people-pleasing word. I’m not into people pleasing anymore.
As I started to learn about what was really inside me that makes me act a certain way, I started to realize that I was judgemental. It was an awful realization. What I noticed, though, was that I was judging others based on my own insecurities.
I was unhappy about my weight, so I judged the girl that “shouldn’t be wearing something that skimpy“.
I was unhappy with my mothering, so I judged the lady that “should be doing something about their child’s behavior in this store“.
I was unhappy with my looks, so I judged girls with gorgeous makeup that “should care about more about important things than their looks“.
I was afraid to stand out in the crowd for fear of someone else’s judgment on me, so I quietly sat back and thought “she acts obnoxious, she really should tone it down“.
As all the lies I believe about myself started coming out, I started to realize that I had been so wrong. I started to admire those that were comfortable in their own skin. I started to feel compassion for those that have children that are having a bad day. I started to feel motivated by those that are not afraid to step out and take a chance to make a change in their lives.
I used to say that I wasn’t a people person, but what I have now realized it that I love people. I am still very much an introvert and love my quiet reflective time, but I love to hear your story. I love to go to the deep places with people. While I am not a fan of chit-chat (and I think that’s why I thought that I didn’t like people), I crave the space to connect on a deeper level. I love getting to know what makes people tick and why they are the way they are.
As I heal on the inside more and more, I am finding that I am becoming more compassionate. I am noticing when people are struggling. I see anger as a by-product of a deeper issue. I see eating or food issues as a cover-up for something much more going on.
I also see that striving is killing us. It is so unhealthy. Striving to be better, do better, achieve more. All because we are too afraid to really look inside ourselves and be honest about what drives us. We are trying so hard to prove our worthiness on the outside because we don’t feel it on the inside.
I see all of this and understand all of this because this was me. For years this has been me.
I am so thankful for all that has happened this year to start to reverse this mess that has been inside me for so long.
I am saddened by those that have chronic illnesses but can’t solve the food issues that put them there. I am saddened by those that are overweight but are fearful to work on the internal issues that put them there. I am saddened by those that kill themselves at the gym to prove that they are worth something. I am saddened by those that are workaholics because dealing with the past or long time lies is just too hard. I am saddened by parents that zone out because parenting is just too hard and it doesn’t seem to matter anyway.
It seems that we are all chasing a set of rules that actually don’t even exist. We make them all up in our head. It starts with lies that we believe about ourselves. We then push them onto others, which turns into judgment. And then because “we would never be like that or do that“, we hold ourselves back.
The freedom that I’ve found is incredible. I am no longer believing lies. I know that I was made in the image of God and that I am exactly who He wants me to be. Exactly who He created me to be. I know that there are some things that I need to continue to work on to be able to fulfill His plan for me, but when I mess up, it’s ok. I don’t have to follow rules for Him to love me. He loves me with His perfect kind of love.
Because I am experiencing that perfect kind of love, I am starting to feel that for others. When I would’ve normally rolled my eyes or passed judgment, I now have compassion. I see people differently. I understand that we all have baggage or issues that make us act certain ways. Because I know that, it’s easier to not let people dictate my worth.
I am confident that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing in this life, and not everyone will understand that. Not everyone will understand my path. That is ok.
I understand, because of going through it myself, that if someone is judging me, it most likely has nothing to do with me. It has to do with their own internal issues.
I also don’t think that others think of me as much as I think they do. It was my own issues coming out that I was pushing on them…..when in reality, they never thought anything bad of me. I was holding myself back based on others and it was really my own messed up way of thinking that had me stuck. Most people are too worried about what others are thinking about them to worry about you.
Learning to love myself has given me a love for others that I didn’t know was possible. I will say that it irritates me when I’m around people that are critical or always complaining, but I have compassion for them also….knowing that they have junk in their heart that needs to be dealt with. All I can do is control my thoughts and pray for them that they come to the same conclusions that I have. Free people FREE people. And freedom tastes so sweet 🙂
What is holding you back? Striving or people pleasing? What is the REAL issue? Do you find yourself being judgemental? Is it because of the things in your own life that you don’t like? Is it time to check your heart and start to clean out the lies and gunk that has you stuck? Are you holding back from God’s purpose for you because you are too afraid to face your own demons? I’d love to help, contact me and let’s get you FREE!
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