Does that make you cringe? Let me be the first to say that it used to make me. I am far from being the doormat that I thought submission made you be. I just got done watching a three part series by Francis Chan that Becoming a Strong Woman of God posted on Facebook. Let me just say, it was very good.
Submission has been on my mind lately. A lot. I wrote about it a month or so ago, but I feel that it is something worth revisiting. There is so much negativity about it in today’s world.
I always wonder about this…..why is it that when we are in a new dating relationship we go out of our way to make the other person’s life as amazing as it can possibly be? Why does that change when we get a ring? It’s like we know how to make our marriages wonderful, yet we get drug into the lie of society that making someone deserve your love and attention is the way to live your life.
Let me fill you in on a secret……it’s not! It makes both of your lives miserable. You are miserable because he doesn’t treat you like the princess you definitely are (according to society) and then in a never-ending circle, he doesn’t treat you lovingly because you aren’t respecting him. It’s a no win situation. It just spirals more and more out of control.
I was severely convicted of this a few years ago. I was miserable to live with. I knew what was best for our family and I would rather live miserable than give in and admit that there was a possibility that I was wrong. I knew the best use of our finances, I knew the best way to decorate or fix the house, I knew the best ways to raise our children, on and on. Submission was fine for some….with perfect husbands….but not for me or mine.
Then I was convicted. I don’t even know what happened or what made me realize the error of my ways, other than I turned 30 and really started re-evaluating my life. (Not that I don’t believe that it had nothing to do with me and all to do with God’s moving in my heart…I completely give Him all the credit and glory). As I started reading and learning and growing, my heart began to change.
I was one that didn’t ask my hubby for permission to do anything. In fact, it quite annoyed me when my friends would say, “Well, let me ask my hubby if I can go here or there”. “Let me ask my hubby if I can buy this little trinket or new sweater”. I would just roll my eyes and mumble to myself or whoever else would listen. “Ughhhh, she is so old fashioned. She can’t even pee without asking her hubby”.
I did consult him with big things, but little everyday things….whatever, he’s not my dad, right? I am a free thinking woman, am I not?
I started really thinking about this situation. I see submission as more of an issue of selfishness. As Christians, we need to be constantly seeking a spirit of being selfless. Of finding ways to be a servant. This includes our hubby’s, ladies. Submission is the ultimate act of selflessness.
Some little things that have changed for me are:
- making sure I buy the certain brand of whatever that he likes
- making sure that his socks are folded in his drawer when he needs them and not wadded up in the basket (I hate folding whites, but he hates searching for socks….so I fold whites 🙂
- making dinners that he likes (not going overboard with going all natural and holistic and forcing him into it)
- keeping in mind that he needs my respect even if I don’t agree
- voicing that no matter what he decides (as long as it’s scriptural) I will stand behind him, even if I disagree
- dragging my ‘very opposed to morning’ body out of bed to make his coffee and lunch
- going to bed early with him even though I like to stay up late because he likes me to
- making a decision to not bad mouth him to anyone, ever (very huge for internal dialogue)
- getting a different Detroit Tigers t-shirt because, even if I have a favorite player, I don’t want another man’s name on my back
- keeping my thoughts about another man’s attractiveness to myself (we used to laugh about it, because neither one of us is insecure, but I was convicted of this)