Submission is like a dirty word in this day and time. Submission, to many, equals being a doormat. Letting someone boss you around. You have waited your whole life to be your own person and do what you want, there’s no way you’re going to start taking orders.
As I’ve mentioned before, from the very first time I talked to my hubby, we were best friends. Well, I was infatuated with him. I don’t know how long it took him to be infatuated with me :), but my feeling was immediate. After our first date, I went back to school (yep, junior year of high school) and asked my friend if she thought you could be in love within a week of meeting someone. I told her that day that I would’ve married him then.
From that day on, we’ve been inseparable. We don’t even let arguments stop us. We can be in a knock down, drag out fight and then turn around and say, “I’m going to the store…you going or not?” And the other person ALWAYS goes. I don’t know why we are this way.
We’ve definitely had our rough patches, but because of how we do things, I don’t feel like they were life altering issues looking back. Regardless of how we were feeling, our need to just purely be together trumped our human-ness to feel like we deserved better, I guess.
As much as people around us have told us over and over that we spent too much time together, I think it has strengthened us. It got us through the rough patches. There was no time to stray or go to someone else to comfort us, because we were together.
I feel like this is what submission should look like. Setting your feelings aside and doing what you need to do to further your relationship.
I basically let my life revolve around my hubby. I get up with him at 5am to make his lunch. I participate in his hobbies. I show interest in things he likes to do. I go to bed early with him because he likes it.
So, do I sound like a doormat yet? Probably to some. However, he returns the favor. The more of myself I give, the more he responds to me. The better our relationship becomes.
So many people just roll their eyes and say, “I’m not getting up at 5am to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Let him make them himself.”
But, when I gripe about it….because sometimes I do….my hubby just smiles and hugs me and says, “But it makes my day when I get to see you first thing in the morning. It starts my day off right.”
It’s not about dragging myself out of bed to make his lunch. It’s about a connection. It’s about a thankfulness to him for enabling me and allowing me to stay at home. And that is what submission is all about. Giving of yourself. Not because you want something back, but because it deepens your relationship. It bonds you together because you give the person you are with what they need so they don’t look for that somewhere else.
When you first begin dating, you would do ANYTHING for that person. Why do people let that die when they get a ring? Why at that point does that become a degrading thing? No one gripes about giving to the other person before they are married. It’s usually the goal to do all you can for the other person.
Take it from someone that knows, continuing on in that mindset builds an amazing relationship. AND in case it seems like I’m doing all of the giving….I’m not. It’s amazing how my hubby has responded to me since I’ve decided to just do the things he enjoys me doing for him and with him.
In my mom’s generation, I’ve heard a lot of women say, “I’m not getting up and packing his lunch. I’m not getting up and making him breakfast. I’m not wearing my hair that way, it is my hair. I’m not wearing those clothes, it’s my body. etc, etc, etc.” (I used to think this way)
My question is this…..why? Why do you want to do things that don’t encourage your relationship? Why don’t you want to make life as easy as possible for the one you love and committed your life to? If you know your hubby is ‘into’ something, why wouldn’t you share it? Why give any opportunities for someone else to slip in and share your hubby’s excitement for whatever it is he’s excited about?
It definitely takes some self control and discipline to put yourself and what you want on the back burner….but it is so worth it. It does get easier. Submission really just boils down to putting someone else above yourself and it really does pay off. I just don’t buy into the thought that marriage is hard work. I feel like it is only as hard as you make it.
So many times, my hubby will say, out of the blue, something that makes me gush. Some sort of statement that makes me realize that my giving to him really does make him feel special. It makes him want to be with ME…and no one else. It makes any and all self sacrifice incredibly worth it. Finding it within yourself to be a giver in your relationship will change it beyond what you can imagine.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…..Be his girlfriend so he doesn’t have to find one!!!
Would you want to be with someone that did nothing for you? You can’t change anyone else, but you can change yourself. The quickest way to get someone to want to do things for you is to do things for them.
Being selfless is not degrading. It’s what amazing relationships are made of.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. ~ Proverbs 31:11-12
These are the first two things mentioned of the Proverbs 31 woman. She fully supports her hubby and never brings him harm. Not feeling respected or special to you is harming your hubby, it’s not hard to make him feel special, but you need to set yourself aside and see what it is that makes him feel that way. Then do it….regardless of what you think about it.
It is my prayer that my hubby will find nothing to criticize about me. I pray that I always put him and how he feels about something above how I feel or think. He is worth it to me….I love him with all I am….and that is what love (and submission) is all about.