As many of you know, for the last several years, I have been searching for my place and purpose in this life. Why am I here? What is my God-given design and direction for my life?
Obviously, as a two-time wife and mom of 5, being a wife and mom are part of my purpose, but like many of you, I long for more. I love taking care of my family, but I feel that there is more out there for me to do. There are additional places where I am supposed to make an impact, more places to share my story. More people to serve and love on.
In the last year since I became a Revelation Wellness instructor, things have changed so much for me. I’ve seen God in a new light. I’ve had chains broken. I’ve tasted true, life-altering freedom. I’ve also struggled with what I’m supposed to do with it. What does it look like now that my mindset is changing? What story am I supposed to be sharing and how?
I read this quote this morning and it stopped me in my tracks. It came up on my time hop on Facebook and, as they seem to do, resurfaced at a perfect time. You may say that it’s a coincidence, I call it God’s perfect timing 🙂
Your greatest ministry will most likely come out of your greatest hurt. ~ Rick Warren
I’ve seen this quote many times, but this morning, it took on a whole new meaning and conviction.
You see, I have struggled with body image and weight my entire life. I’ve lost weight, I’ve gained weight, I’ve eaten dairy and gluten, I’ve not eaten dairy and gluten, I’ve worked out consistently, I’ve been lazy……but regardless of what size I’ve been, I’ve not been happy……at least where my body is concerned.
I’ve been happy with my life. Content. Peaceful. But at the core of it all, I’ve never really been happy with myself. That was always the thorn in my side that I couldn’t ever seem to pull out.
I’ve had issues with unbalanced hormones, thyroid, adrenals, herniated discs, blood sugar, stress, and horrible eating habits. There were so many people saying “do this” or “do that” for solving these “problems” that it was just overwhelming. When I did think I had an answer to one or all of these, I struggled to follow through long enough to allow my body (and the good Lord) to fix itself. I would just get caught back up in all the noise that is everywhere.
I have always been drawn to fitness. I love a good kickboxing workout or lifting free weights. I love feeling strong, even if sometimes my body’s looks don’t reflect the strength. While I had a gym membership for a year a long time ago, I’ve never seen myself as a “trainer” or as someone that could actually serve people through fitness and wellness. Heck, I was having a hard enough time figuring it out myself. How could I put myself out there if I didn’t look the part?
Then I found Rev. It changed me. It made me see myself as God sees me. His love for me is not dependent on how I look. I need to be physically fit to be able to fulfill my calling on my life and also to be able to serve my family, but He’s never judgemental about my weight. He just keeps gently nudging me back to my calling. He showed me that I don’t need to look the part, I just need to follow Him. He will bring those that need my message and help. He will make a way. He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. If He calls me to it, He is faithful to give me what I need to succeed, I only just need to ask and trust.
I honestly thought that because being a wife comes so easy to me that it was my calling. To lead other women in being a godly wife. I thought that with me sharing the lessons I was learning on my blog in the years before Chad died that I was serving my purpose. I had many many people come up to me after he passed away and tell me how much my blog helped them and how much it changed their way of thinking.
I think I struggled for so long with my purpose because I felt like that was it. When I found myself in a brand new marriage, I no longer felt qualified to be leading others in regards to marriage. I was the one that needed to be taught. I was learning how to be a wife and how to have a great marriage all over again myself, what advice did I have to give?
Then I thought that maybe my story of being a widow was my calling. To share my story to encourage others. To remind others to live each day fully and intentionally.
While I know that this is a very important part of my story, I no longer think that this is my calling. It’s funny to think about now because being a wife and a widow are easy for me to talk about. I can talk about them on my own power. Yes, I am in that place because of the Lord’s hand, but it’s not a spot that gives me nervous diarrhea…..lol.
I’ve always heard that it’s in the hard places that change comes. It’s in the stepping out when it’s scary that things happen. It’s being faithful to God’s call when you are absolutely NOT equipped to do the job. It’s relying on Him to make things happen because this is not your happy place. It’s trusting that He gave you enough desire in an area to get you interested, but not enough to step out without needing Him to make it work. It’s in the place of being comfortable getting uncomfortable. That’s where the biggest things happen. That is where real change takes place. That’s where your purpose lies.
Something just clicked when I read that quote this morning.
My purpose in this life is to share fitness and nutrition freedom. I need to share because I don’t have it figured out. I need to share because I also have to figure out what works for me. I need to share because I do have knowledge that will help others just starting out on this journey. I need to share because I’m in it with them, maybe I’m just a step farther ahead in that process and can now give back. I need to share because it scares me. I need to share because others need to know that there is a life of freedom waiting for them.
My greatest hurt in my whole life has been being stuck inside of myself. Loathing myself. Hating my body. Wishing I was something or someone different. Looking at others wishing that “I could do that”.
In Rev, we talked a lot about our original design. What is your bend? What have you been drawn to your entire life? What makes you feel alive and free? What scares you to death? That is what you should do. That is where your freedom and purpose lives.
For me, it’s fitness. It’s sharing and inviting others when I don’t yet look the part. It’s trusting that someone out there needs me to step out for them to find freedom.
Don’t get me wrong, there has been much confusion, frustration, and doubt circling this realization. There is soooooo much out there in the world regarding fitness, diets, supplements, workouts, etc. Trying to sort it all out is maddening. So I stopped trying to figure it out.
I have learned that everyone is different and that everything isn’t going to work for everybody. It is important for you to learn what works for your body and for your lifestyle.
Taking the pressure off myself to fit into ANY mold has been life-giving. I have learned so much through my Rev training, my nutrition training, and my supplement company.
I am beginning to see what works for me and what doesn’t. I am learning to listen to my body and adjust accordingly. I have also learned that none of it matters if faith isn’t a part of the process.
My longest greatest hurt that has been a hindrance in my life is my body issues. My greatest regret is that I didn’t see the faith and fitness connection sooner. I will not allow myself to live in regret, however, so I move on from here. I confess trying to do this myself. I confess making my body and idol. I confess making food an idol and comfort. I confess not being diligent.
Over the last week or two, I’ve truly had an awakening regarding my complete health and wellness and I have no doubt that my “get to” in this life is to share freedom with others.
I am so tired of not being able to be active like I desire to be with my family. I am so sick of not moving forward because of what others will think. And I also wonder how many will stay stuck in bondage to lies if I don’t step up and live the life I am here to live?
Sobering thought. Am I the reason that some are still struggling? Who am I keeping from freedom because I am so stuck in my own head?
I am here for a purpose and I am confident that I, finally, know what that purpose is. It is to continue to find freedom for myself in the areas of mind, body, and soul health and to help others to do the same.
New things are coming and I can’t wait to share!
Are you stuck in self-loathing? Are you physically sick or overweight? Are you struggling with chronic health issues? Do you hate the mirror? Do you want energy to be able to be active with your family? I’d love to help you, contact me here, or leave a message below and let’s connect!
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