That’s just something that I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. The happiest moments will also be a little sad. ~ This is Us
I’m not a huge tv watcher, but I have gotten sucked into watching this show. I’m also not one to get emotional at shows or movies, but sometimes things hit me out of nowhere. This quote did just that.
In this scene, a new grandma was remembering the fact that her husband wasn’t alive to witness the birth of their first granddaughter.
I live this daily.
Living in a world where the happiest times also bring some sadness is so hard. When we have experiences that I know Chad would’ve been right in the middle of. When the girls experience things for the 1st time. When I’m just over it and missing his calmness.
Don’t get me wrong, I am in a very good place. I love my life. But there are those moments that hit you out of nowhere and suddenly you remember that he’s not here. And it hurts again.
I hate that there will always be some sadness to our happy occasions, but it also means that there was something great enough to mourn.
I am a huge believer in being thankful and that it will change your outlook on life. I am so thankful for the time we had with Chad. I’m so thankful that he taught us things that still shape our thinking today.
Things like enjoying simplicity, making the best of what you have, finding joy in everyday things, not worrying about things that can’t be changed, not getting worked up about things that don’t really matter, and perseverance when things get hard.
We were told by so many people that we were too close. We spent to much time together. We were going to eventually get sick of each other because we never did anything apart.
We didn’t listen. We were best friends and enjoyed each other’s company. (Can you imagine? Actually liking your spouse?) Looking back, I am so thankful that we didn’t listen to the naysayers. I wouldn’t change that time for the world. I understand that some couples aren’t that way and if that works for you, great………..but I feel like being best friends with your spouse is a formula for an amazing marriage.
Even though he’s not here for any more 1sts, we built so many memories that they now bring comfort. It wasn’t about the money (we never had any), it wasn’t about growing careers, it wasn’t about having the best or newest things. It was about relationship. It was about spending time together.
That’s really the only way you get to know others is to spend time together. No amount of money can buy closeness and a bond that is unbreakable. I firmly believe that us spending so much time together is what caused our great marriage. We were really able to get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We grew to know what the other was thinking without even having to say it.
Knowing that you made the most you could’ve with the time you had together doesn’t ease the pain, but it does leave me with no regrets. Yes, the first years of our marriage were a little rocky as we plowed out a new path, but not being together was never an option.
If we would have gotten mad and went and did our own thing would the outcome have been the same? I don’t know……in my opinion, running away because someone upset you just opens the door for temptation. If it happens over and over, eventually it is going to cause problems.
Sometimes that means just closing your mouth and letting the other person be right. Sometimes it means showing them little gestures of love anyway. Sometimes it means cuddling in close when you’d rather throat punch them 😉
The take away is this…….when your loved one is only a memory, don’t leave yourself in a position to be wishing you’d have done things differently. When all that is left is a memory, you being right won’t matter anymore. You arguing because, in your mind, you were wronged won’t matter. Don’t tarnish your memories over your own selfishness.
As you become a better spouse, you will get a better spouse in return; but it has to start somewhere. You can only control your own actions, but sometimes your actions will produce change in the other person.
I am so thankful for the memories. I am so thankful for the things that Chad was here for. We will experience a little sadness with every new happy, but it is the price you pay for having love.
Don’t waste it. Forgive, apologize first, do something for them even if they don’t for you, give selflessly, do things that you may not like to make them feel special, LOVE.
You don’t know what tomorrow holds. Things will tarnish and rot. Spend your time and money building relationships that will last forever. Relationships are the only thing in this world that can’t be replaced. Cherish them.
As you know, I am now happily remarried. And we are the same way. We do everything together. We are best friends. So many don’t understand that, but I want there to again be no regrets should something happen to either of us. I want to build memories that will last a lifetime. I want our life to be about each other and our family and not about buying more, working more, or holding grudges because we have an insatiable need to be right. I want to keep temptation out so that we can build a lasting marriage even in a culture that holds a 50% divorce rate. I want to know my husband so that I know what he needs to keep him happy and fulfilled.
Are you focused on the wrong things? If tomorrow never came for a loved one, would you have regrets?
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