I can honestly say that my hubby is my hands down, no competition, no questions asked best friend. We met when I was 15 and he was 17 and the attraction was immediate (for me anyway 🙂 Since our first date, we have been inseparable. We do everything together. We have been together for 16+ years and still very much enjoy each other’s company.
I often say, in my posts about marriage and husband/wife relationships, that you need to be his girlfriend so he doesn’t have to find one. I truly believe that. Learn what your hubby wants and needs from you and give it to him.
For my hubby, that is having hound dogs. I’m not a dog person, per se. I don’t care if I have one or not. However, our life basically revolves around them….and I’ve come to love it. I don’t necessarily love the sport, but I LOVE being with my husband. I love that all 4 of my girls love this hobby. It is our family thing. And it bonds us and keeps us connected. If I would’ve shunned this activity because of my non-interest in it, our family would’ve been divided because we wouldn’t have all participated in it. Because we do, we share a strong family bond.
I don’t know why I’ve been lucky enough to have it be almost effortless to spend time with my hubby, but it’s always been that way for us. Don’t think we’ve never had issues….because we definitely have….but the desire to just purely be together had always trumped whatever issue was at hand.
I remember one time after we had a huge blow out fight in our first year of marriage (which was basically hell on earth), my hubby left to go fishing for the day. (A hobby that we had always done together.) He called me an hour after he left from his parents house to see if I wanted to go. I was being a hag and the fights started flaring again….and he hung up on me. After I told him I absolutely didn’t want to go and I was unforgivably mad at him….I started feeling lonely. Even with the huge rift between us, there was enough friendship there that he took the time to call and the willingness to drive back to our house (1 hr away), pick me up, and turn around and drive an hour back to his parents house before the 1 1/2 hr drive to our fishing destination. I missed him enough that I swallowed my pride, called him back, and humbly said that if he was still willing to come back and get me that I’d love to go with him……and he did. We had a great time.
This is an isolated event, but these type of circumstances have happened several times in our 13+ yr marriage. We can be in the middle of an argument and still run an errand together. We just have this pull to just simply be together.
I don’t know if this is the reason for our inseparability, but I have always just wanted to be with him…..just be around him, so I have learned to love whatever his hobby was at the time. When his life revolved around bow hunting, I got a bow and learned to shoot. When his life was all about steelhead fishing, I learned how to fish. Now, we have dogs and I get up at ridiculously early times to go with him (I’m NOT a morning person) and run the dogs.
I can hear all the feminists saying, “Oh, you’re such a doormat. What about your hobbies and interests….what does he do for you….etc, etc, etc.“
It’s not about me. I have a hard time keeping this perspective sometimes when it comes to my kids or my friends, but for some reason when it comes to my hubby, I can lay myself aside to be with him. Not that I don’t ever grumble or gripe about his all consuming hobbies, but one statement gets me every time
“I miss you when you aren’t there. It’s not the same.”
And I can see the look of disappointment in his face and a change in his demeanor if I don’t show excitement in whatever it is that he’s excited about at the moment.
I don’t like that. I don’t ever want to feel that he is needing something that I’m not giving him. How can I blame him for looking elsewhere and I don’t give him what he’s searching for…when I very clearly know what that is.
And, before I get slammed for my ‘doormat-ness‘ (like the way I just made that up?? lol)….let me say that in return, he gives me what I need. He loves me and he tells me so. He makes time to cuddle and to be absolutely non-sexual in his touch, just to make me feel needed and wanted (not that the cuddle time isn’t ‘suggestive’). We flirt like we are newly weds and he still makes me blush. It’s very seldom that he doesn’t pat me on the butt when he walks by me 😉
We used to laugh because if we met for lunch while he was working, I got all excited like it was our first date and blushed if he made ‘inappropriate advances’ toward me. It was like our first date all over again…the awesome thing is….the ‘inappropriate advances’ are totally ‘appropriate’ since we are long past our wedding 😉
This post is completely rambling…..I could just go on and on about how awesome it is to be friends with your hubby. It is so not easy sometimes. Sometimes you don’t want to do their hobby, or get interested in what they are excited about….but it’s so worth it.
I don’t have it all figured out. We still argue occasionally, but it’s not often anymore (Thank God for that). We aren’t the world’s best couple (though I think we are :)) Many may think we are together too much or that one or the other of us is giving up our life for the other and that is degrading, but whatever…….
It truly does pay off to give up selfishness and be a friend to your spouse. The more I act like a ‘girlfriend’ to my hubby, the more fun we have. We enjoy each other more and more. We get closer and closer. I never believed that on our wedding day I could be more in love, but I truly am and I attribute that to being friends with my hubby. And continuous flirting never hurt either 🙂
Do you share your hubby’s passions and interests, even if they aren’t necessarily your interests and passions?