Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you get in a funk, it just keeps getting worse and worse? That is where I’ve been lately. I have a lot going on and I’m not prioritizing it well. You’d think since I was home all day with my kids in school, that it’d be easy for me. You’d think…………..
Problem is that lately, I have been just letting my thoughts run away. I have ignored the little voice inside me that tells me that I need to communicate better, about one hard topic in particular. Thing is, communication is hard. It’s sometimes painful. You have to risk being misunderstood. You have to risk putting yourself out there and being shot down. You have to risk hurting the ones that you love most. You have to be vulnerable.
I’ve known that a talk needed to happen for a while. It was about a very important topic, but it was easier to just blow off that feeling. To pretend like it was ok. But it just kept coming back up. Little reminders seemed to be everywhere. But it was scary. I didn’t want to deal with it, so I just let it fester. And it started to bleed into every area of my life.
It made me super sensitive to ev-er-y-thing. It made things totally unrelated start to seem like a huge issue. It drug in more and more things and it just started to snowball. Until the last straw was drawn…………………..
We went shopping last week and I was c-r-a-b-b-y. I did not want to be there. I was hypersensitive to every word that was spoken and was ready to explode! I had a great case built to why I was being treated unfairly. Why I was so angry. Why I felt that I was being wronged. I was texting my sister during the whole ordeal (which really wasn’t an ordeal) so that she could talk me off the ledge 😉
Thankfully, I have studied the tongue verses enough in my past that I KNEW that I needed to keep my mouth shut and deal with it when I had calmed down. Blowing up and throwing out a whole bunch of garbage wouldn’t solve anything…..in fact, it would just make it worse. Defenses would be thrown up and it would just be a big mess with no real accomplishment.
And, I knew in the back of my mind that the reason I was feeling like this was because I was ignoring that voice that was telling me to have the hard discussion. The disobedience that I was showing was causing me way more issues than if I would’ve just done what I knew I needed to do.
Thankful that my sister was available to talk me down, I managed to get my anger under control. The rest of the day went smoothly, but there was still that issue that was grinding away in my gut. I KNOW that stress keeps you from sleeping. It keeps you from losing weight. It keeps you from having a clear head. It keeps you from so many things, but again, it’s risky putting yourself on the line to have hard discussions.
Yesterday at church, I’d had enough. The sermon was about the very thing that I had been stuffing away for so long. It was my final straw.
I prayed all the way home. I prayed for grace. I prayed for the right words to say…..words that didn’t sound accusatory, condescending, or blaming. I prayed that I’d be able to state all that I needed to say and that the words would be heard and understood. I prayed for the Lord to protect my heart.
The conversation went better than I could’ve imagined. There is still more discussion that needs to take place. There is still more tied into this issue that needs to be prayed over and taken into account. There is still more that needs to be addressed and figured out, but the weight has been lifted. The issue is out in the open and able to be dealt with.
I learned a few lessons from all of this over the past weekend (lessons that I already knew but needed to relearn):
- That when the Lord tells you to do something, you need to act. He only reveals what He intends to heal. This discussion needed to take place and forgiveness needed to be requested. That is where healing begins. In the uncomfortable place. I know that even though it was hard, I will be rewarded for obeying anyways.
- Controlling your tongue, even when you want to yell about all the (perceived) injustices will only bring good things. It is not easy to just be silent when you feel that you are being treated unfairly or wronged. However, when you blow up over something it only creates defense on the other person’s part and what is really accomplished? If you are really having an issue with someone, you will benefit more by keeping your calm and talking it out rationally when you are no longer boiling with anger.
- Not communicating things in a relationship will eat at you until your health and overall well-being suffer. Some discussions are hard to have. It will hurt. It may take more than one chat to hash everything out. It will be worth it. When you hold on to stress, little things become big things and it just snowballs out of control. It will get to a point where everything in your life suffers because of it, including your health. It’s not worth it. Be honest. Be truthful. Back to #1, God will reward your obedience.
Do you allow little things to become big things because you are too afraid to let yourself be vulnerable? Do you let things fester because you are afraid of how the other person will react? Is God telling you to resolve a situation and you are blowing it off because of fear of what someone will say back or feel about you? Lets talk about it, leave me a comment below or contact me directly if you’d like to keep it private.
Please like and share using the buttons below!