I am a wife, mom, homeschooler, widow, non-homeschooler, wife again, step-mom, full time job working, back at home but now a work at home wife/mom.
Whew, I think that sums it up. Are you confused? Ha-Ha! Let me explain……….
I married my high school sweetheart right after graduation. We were absolutely inseparable. We were the best of friends and we did everything together. We went on to have 4 girls together. The girls started out in public school but then we made the decision to homeschool when they were still young. During this time, my husband decided to start a logging business with one of his friends. I was totally on board and felt that we were doing what God called us to do.
Less than a year into the new business, my husband was tragically killed in a work accident.
Suddenly, I was on my own. I was a single mom of 4 girls ages 12-4.
To give us a reason to get up in the morning and a sense of structure, I decided to put my girls into a Christian school near us. Two of my girls went there, while one stayed home to finish out the school year, and one had just turned 4 so we did some ‘preschool’ at home.
Little did I know, a few months later, I would again be a wife and a mom to another girl.
In July of 2013, I remarried. Looking back, I can absolutely see God’s hand at work in preparing me not only to lose my first husband, but also to be with my new husband.
So many things that lined up perfectly, so many little things that paved the way for us, so much support from family and friends, so much peace in my heart that this was exactly where I was supposed to be.
After I remarried, we moved from the town I grew up in to the town that my husband grew up in. My kids went back to public school and I got a full time job (about a year into my marriage).
My life was an absolute 180 from what I had known for the previous 4-6 years…..now you are seeing the confusing first statement come into focus, aren’t you???
What I didn’t know was how disconnected I had become. How crabby, impatient, overweight, and hard to live with I had become. My husband thought I was bored at home and suggested that I get a job to occupy my time. I did. But it soon became apparent that I couldn’t handle the stress that comes with being away from my home for 40+ hours a week.
With his blessing, in April 2016 I resigned my job. I am now back home and my intention is to also work from home, but more importantly get myself back to where I want to be.
I blogged regularly the last few years of my 1st husband’s life. I was learning how to be a godly wife and mom and sharing my trials and triumphs along the way. It wasn’t always pretty, but I enjoyed connecting with other women that were in my situation (and those that weren’t) and giving and receiving encouragement. I felt that I had found my “sweet spot” and blogging about marriage (and being a mom) made me feel like I had a purpose.
Now that my life has completely changed, I am starting over. I am trying to figure out who I am and what is important to me. I can now look back over the 3+ years that my 1st husband has been gone and see that I totally moved through my life without really enjoying it. I was absolutely just going through the motions. That isn’t enough for me anymore.
I titled this blog “Seeking Contentment” because that is where I long to be. I have a lot of reinventing myself left to do, and I’m not sure what direction this blog is going to take, but through it all, I want to be content. I want to find the best in every situation and always be looking for something to be happy about. Even when life throws me curves or when I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, CONTENTMENT is going to be my goal.
I know that there is more for me to accomplish in this life. I know that God has a plan for me. It is my prayer that I remain steady and focused on Him and what He wants me to accomplish. That I will take everyday in stride and not get too focused on anything that goes wrong.
I have lived my life without really experiencing it for too long, and I’ve depended on myself and others to make me feel whole for too long. Please join me on what promises to be an incredible journey of Seeking Contentment.
Contentment comes from a proper relationship to God, not from a response to the circumstances. Our what if’s will either drive us to God and faith or they will drive us to worry and dependence on self.
~ Linda Dillow