Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves
~Philippians 2:3 (NIV)
I have always been, what some would consider, an old-fashioned wife. I love taking care of my husband and doing things that the feminists would call degrading. I get up in the morning and make his lunch. If we differ in opinion, I will let him make the final decision. I strive to know what bothers him and do everything in my means to make sure that these things don’t (or do) happen. I don’t grumble or gripe when he doesn’t pick up his things or when I clean up after him.
I know, it sounds like I am a doormat. That’s what today’s woman would think. But I can assure you that I’m not. I can promise that I am strong willed and I always have an opinion. Anyone that knows me personally can vouch for the correctness of those statements.
I don’t have an issue stating my opinion, but I leave it there. I am finally at a point in my life that giving in to my husband is no big deal. I used to be poised to fight to the death because I was convinced that my way was right and that I knew better, but I no longer feel that way.
Thankfully, before the death of my 1st husband, God showed me that I was making my husband miserable because of my need for control and my need to always be right. I came to see that none of the things that I was willing to fight over really mattered. Well, let me clarify, none of it mattered in the light of eternity.
The little things that I would fight over probably wouldn’t have mattered in a week, let alone matter in a year or two. This change in perspective radically changed my life. It made me ask the question, “What is this worth to be right? If he does it his way, will it really matter? Is this fight really worth the disconnect it will cause?” Most of the time the answer was no.
It also made me more aware of nagging about things that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if he made a mess. It doesn’t matter if he leaves his things out. It doesn’t matter if things take too long (in my opinion) to get done.
I have had the unfortunate circumstance of finding out that life is so incredibly short. I can honestly tell you that taking care of my husband was the best decision I’ve ever made. Catering to him was worth it 1000x over. If I had to go back, I’d “1950’s housewife” him again.
So many times I admit to being this kind of wife on social media and others reaction is this “well, it needs to go both ways”. Ok. I get it. But let me ask you this……..
If your spouse didn’t come home tomorrow, would you wish that you catered to them a little more? Would you let him do something his way, because, at the end of the day, it just really didn’t matter?
I know that we are all familiar with the love verses from 1 Corinthians 13, but let’s read them again:
Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand it’s own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (The Living Bible)
This, to me, doesn’t sound like someone that would say, “Well, I’ll be nice to him and do things for him IF and WHEN he pampers me.” Ladies, it’s not about what others do for you, this includes your husband.
When you have this attitude towards your husband, being a 1950’s housewife really doesn’t seem so far-fetched. The verse I shared at the beginning of this post states to value others above yourself.
This doesn’t even begin to dive into what the Bible says about being a wife, but just in these 3 verses alone, it’s crazy to me that it’s so offensive to some (even some that call themselves Christians).
Yes, it may be hard to have this attitude if your husband doesn’t return the favor of putting you above all else, but in my experience, being unselfish in regards to your husband only brings good things. It has to start with one of you….why not let it be you?
I wasted so many years with my 1st husband worrying about what he was doing for me……I am so glad that the Lord showed me a better way before he died. I can honestly say that he had the best life possible for the last few years of his life.
I tell my current husband that he’s spoiled all of the time, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s become a passion of mine to make his life amazing. I struggle sometimes and I fail, but I refuse to give up. Life is too short. I can promise you that in the absence of your husband you will not say, “Ughhh, I wish I wouldn’t have done that for him, he so didn’t deserve it”.
Do something nice for him when he doesn’t deserve it. Do something for him that he could easily do for himself, just purely so that he doesn’t have to. Spoil him. Love him. You will only regret what you didn’t do.
Here are some other posts of mine regarding this issue…..
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