There was a comment made the other day in a facebook group that I am in and it was along the lines of a wife realizing that she was putting her husband in the place of God. She was looking for her husband to fill her like only God can. She was putting her worth and happiness in how her husband treated her. God was convicting her of this.
I get it. I really do. I wrote a post in May of 2012 (7 mo before I lost my 1st husband) that dealt with this exact subject. It was called Unrealistic Expectations. Click here to read it….go ahead, I’ll wait 🙂
As I read that Facebook post, I was again challenged that I, too, was again getting to this point in my life. The point that I am putting my husband before God. I am valuing my husband’s affirmations and expressions of love more than God’s.
I know that all new relationships take time to grow, but I am frustrated that it takes so long! I knew everything about my 1st husband. We met when I was 15, got engaged when I was 17, married at 18 and had kids at 19, 21, 25, and 28. We lived in the same town, graduated from the same school in the same year, shared the same friends…..you get the idea. We grew up together. We were together for almost 17 years and married one month shy of 14 when he passed away. There was much learning, growing, and changing that took place in that time.
I learned over that period of time what made him tick. I knew what he was all about. I knew what pushed his buttons and what made him happy. I knew what he wanted before he asked and normally diagnosed the reason for a bad attitude when he didn’t even realize what was making him mad.
A few years before he died, the Lord began showing me areas in my life in which I needed to improve. One of the areas was that I was putting Chad before God. I was making Chad an idol. I was desperate for his approval. I felt that without him around, I’d be nothing. I felt that if something happened to him that I wouldn’t be able to carry on. It would absolutely wreck me, he was my everything. I turned to him to fill holes that he couldn’t fill. My worth was based on how he felt about me. My attitude reflected whether or not he was affirming me. He was human and I was relying on him to fill God-sized holes, then getting upset when he couldn’t.
It was at that time that God showed me what I wrote about in the post I shared above. My worth and life didn’t depend on Chad. We were blessed with what we had, but in the end, Chad was God’s and so am I. We were given to each other for a time, but our togetherness isn’t what defined us. We were/are God’s children. We were put on this earth to glorify Him…….not each other. My worth didn’t depend on Chad. If the unthinkable happened (which it did), my life wouldn’t be over. The Lord would fulfill his promise never to leave or forsake (Det 31:6).
Fast forward til now. I see this happening with Jason. I am so consumed with finding this place of comfort with him that, again, I am caring more about what he thinks than what God thinks. I am finding myself looking to Jason for approval for my life path instead of following what God is telling me. I want Jason’s approval. While that isn’t a bad thing, I am making it my only priority. It’s more of “What does Jason think about it” than “What is God telling me to do”?
I am so terrified that he might think that he made the wrong choice in choosing me that I put his opinion of me above everything. I am so scared of comparison…..that I might not measure up to anyone else that he was ever with or could’ve been with. I want to know that he would still choose me.
I am certain that I bring this pressure on myself and that he doesn’t think this way, but it is there nonetheless.
That Facebook post hit home for me. It was like God was saying, “You’re doing it again. You are asking Jason to fill places in your heart that are only meant for me to fill and getting angry when he doesn’t come through”. Ouch.
Just because Jason doesn’t react in a way that I desire, doesn’t mean that he’s against me or that he’s angry with me. He’s just a guy and they have different emotions than women do. They show love differently. I know for a fact that he doesn’t overanalyze things like I do. So why do I put myself through this? Why do I expect him to give me worth when I have already been fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14)?
I have been very lax on my devotions in the last few years. I have been trying to do it my own way. I’ve been going down paths and then backing right back out because I am not confident. I throw all of these ideas out to Jason and want his approval, all while thinking in the back of my head “He’s probably thinking ‘Here we go again’, another path that leads to nowhere”. Is he thinking that? I don’t know but it’s not fair for me to assume that he is and back out of where I think I’m being called. If God is calling me to something, He will also have Jason on board…..I know that in my heart, it’s just convincing my head…….and that convincing takes place only when I’m committed to reading God’s word and being consistent in prayer.
I know that regardless of what my future holds that God will be with me. I know that He will bring me peace in everything, if I am earnestly seeking Him. I know this because He has done it in the past.
As much as I want to be at a place of complete comfort with Jason, I know that it will come. I know that I’m just being impatient. The last *almost* 4 years have been much trial and error, but there has also been so much joy. I am thankful for the time I’m being given on this earth and pray that I live each day to the fullest. I pray that the Lord continues to give me a heart to serve and learn Jason, but I also pray that my desire to please Jason comes second to my desire to please the Lord. I pray that I seek God’s approval above all others; that all I do is in alignment with His word. I pray that I love Jason well because I love God first.
Do you make your husband an idol? Do you seek his approval over God’s? Is your self-worth based on your husband’s affirmations, or lack there of?
If this encouraged you or you know someone that may benefit from it, please share using the buttons below! Thank you!