It is 47°.
Just enough wind to bite a little at my cheeks.
Other than the wind blowing through the tall pines and the occasional chatter of an irritated squirrel, it is silent.
Normally, I would be snacking, reading, and/or note taking. Always a good spot to refresh my mind, my deer stand also serves as a mini retreat of sorts.
I tend to come away refreshed, renewed, and ready to tackle life again. It’s become my reset button and I look forward to it all year.
But…..today is different.
Nothing felt right. I didn’t feel hungry. I certainly didn’t feel hungry for the junk food that was plentiful in my back pack. I didn’t want to read. I found myself just sitting here. Listening, watching, being still.
A little background info…..I spent the morning catching up on a program that I have been working through called Weigh Less to Feed More by Alisa Keeton of Revelation Wellness.org. Many of the Bible verses that were discussed in my studies were speaking to me so I began the chaotic circle of analyzing. Analyzing myself, my life, my purpose, my direction, my family life, everything.
“Ok, Lord, what are you telling me?”
“What do you want me to do or not do?”
“Oh yes, that is me to a ‘t’….*lightbulb moment*…..*jot some notes or a blog post idea*”
“Ohhhhh, maybe I should write about *that* or maybe *this* is the root of all of my problems”
“JUST BE”……….I kept hearing this phrase deep within my soul.
JUST BREATHE. SIT STILL. FEEL THE BITE OF THE WIND. SEE THE BEAUTY ALL AROUND. LISTEN TO THE SILENCE.
I often get so caught up in trying to find myself that I forget to just be still. I forget that God doesn’t need all of my effort to concoct a plan for my life. He doesn’t need my interpretation of what I think He is saying to me. I forget that my command is to “Be Still……”.
At the first moment of silence, I am frantically trying to not waste my moment; because my life is so very loud. I immediately dive into things that will help solve my problems. Things that will fix me or explain away my issues or why I am the way I am. Things that will allow me to better myself for the good of serving the Lord, my husband, or my children. Things that will make me comfortable in my own skin.
What I need to do instead is just stop, breathe, feel, and not try to analyze anything.
It’s amazing how when I do this I am immediately turned toward worship and gratitude, which is where true heart transformation takes place anyway.
I begin to feel overwhelming gratitude for the beautiful wilderness that surrounds me. I thank the Lord for the possibility of being able to take some healthy, organic meat for my family. I thank Him for my family and for their health and happiness. I thank Him for my extended family that is always willing to help out and give us a much needed break from the craziness that is our lives. I thank Him that, while my problems in the day to day seem huge, in the grand scheme of things, they are so small and I am so very blessed. I thank Him for the ability of my oldest to spend some precious time with her grandpa in a deer stand of their own and for the memories that will last a lifetime from that. I thank Him for a husband that puts his life on hold for a pack of girls that are not biologically his, but that he loves and treats as if they are. And I thank Him for revealing Himself to me and making me desire to just stop, thank, and praise Him for everything he has graciously given me in this life.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the noise, even “good” noise can be too much. Sad thing is that even as I was sitting in the stillness and basking in gratitude, I had to stop myself because I immediately thought, “I wish I had my 1000 Gifts book. I should start reading it again, maybe I should start my list.” (Seriously, WHY can I not just BE STILL???)
I’m not sure yet where my journey is taking me. I’m not sure where I’ll be in a year or what my life will look like. I’m not sure what my purpose is, but stopping for a moment has made me realize that I need to stop searching so hard. I need to be thankful and give praise to the One who has already given so much and answered so many prayers. I need to stop finding solutions and then asking, “Is this it, Lord? Is this what you have for me?”. I know that so much more will be revealed when I let Him tell me, not me just continually searching and then asking “Is this it”???
I know that it can seem counter-productive in our crazy, busy lives to waste time on just BEING, but the revelations gained from just sitting in His presence, in silence, make it all so worth it.
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