Seeking Contentment | Faith | Fitness | Nutrition | Family | Business

I don’t write about this much, but today will be the exception because I feel that I need to get this out there.

Today is the 6th anniversary of my husband’s very unexpected, very sudden passing.  While I still miss him daily, I am finally getting back to being in a pretty good place.  Happy. Content.

Out of all days, yesterday my oldest was home early from school and decided to watch one of her favorite movies…..Christmas Shoes.  If you haven’t seen it, here’s the short version…..the mom is dying and the little boy is anxious to get her a pair of shoes so that she looks beautiful when she meets Jesus.  Anyway, there are some heart-wrenching scenes in the movie.

Her little boy asking her not to go.

Her husband sitting by his very sick and near death wife and her asking him to dance with her.

It put me right back.

I didn’t have any heads up that my husband would die.  I didn’t get to say any final things.  I didn’t get to hear any of his last wishes for his family.

Knowing what comes after the death of a spouse/parent, I started to wonder what it would be like to sit at the side of your loved one knowing that their time was near.  I started to wonder what we’d have said, what we’d have done.  Would we have made videos, written letters, talked about what we should do going on from there?

I don’t know because I didn’t have that chance.  Part of me is glad.  Part of me feels robbed.

What I do want to say is this……..we are all dying.  We may not know that it is imminent, but we are all terminal.

When you are in this situation, or when someone close to you dies, it changes things.  It puts things into perspective. All too often, though, it’s a temporary change.

You get back to normal life and get back into rhythms and the craziness of life and we forget that our days are limited.  Fleeting. So short.

I am in quite a few different widow/widower groups on social media.  The other day one of the men in one of the groups posted a video of him and his late wife dancing in the kitchen.  They knew that she was going to die.  They chose to record memories for those left behind.

The video opens up with her turning on the music and motioning for him to join her.  It was about 7 minutes long.  I maybe watched 2.  I just couldn’t do it.  But how amazing is that for him to have?

I guarantee when he watches it that he can feel her head on his chest, his head on the top of her head, her arm around him, their hands clasped together.  He can smell her, hear her laugh, feel her heart beat against him.

What a gift.

I am absolutely a proponent of recording memories.  Taking pictures and video, but don’t forget to be present in the moment.

Don’t get so caught up in documenting everything that you forget to just be present.  They took the time to set up the camera, but they also forgot about it being there and just soaked each other in.

This fast-paced world that we live in is making us forget that our lives are so fragile.  I am absolutely not saying to walk around in bubble wrap and fear of what your next step could bring, but I am saying to remember that you only have right now.

My husband and I spent a ridiculous amount of time together.  Most of his adult life, he was an ironworker so his work was sporadic.  We heard many comments when he was off that he should be working, but we absolutely loved it when he was off.  We were pretty much dirt poor…..but we were so happy.  We spent money we didn’t have, we made decisions that no one agreed with, we did things that some didn’t understand……but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Stop putting things off.  Stop fighting about little things.  Stop fighting to be right.  Give more than you get.  Go the extra mile even though they may not do it for you.  Take the trip.  Take the time to watch nature.

If I would’ve had advanced notice of my husband’s passing, I’m sure I’d have a lot more things to physically hold but I didn’t have that.  You don’t know if you will either.  Plan accordingly.  Have enough documented to look back on but be present enough to have enough memories burned in your soul that even if that’s all you have, it makes you smile.

I miss him something fierce, but I can almost come up with a memory for everything that happens to us now.  Something that we did, something he said, dumb things he made the kids do, special “just between us” laughs.

I know that everyone says that we don’t know what tomorrow holds.  It’s sort of become cliche.  But when tomorrow turns your life upside down, you remember all the times that people told you that.

As I look back and honor what was, watch movies that make me live loss all over again, and watch beautiful videos that preserve a love for a lifetime I am put right back to that day.

If they didn’t come home tomorrow would the thing you are mad about or frustrated over matter?  If you knew that they only had limited time left, would you let things go?

We all have limited time left.  My challenge to you is to live this daily because you truly do not know what the next phone call or knock on the door could bring.

I am eternally grateful for all the time we “wasted”.  All the time spent glued at the hip.  All the money we didn’t make.  All the money we spent that we couldn’t afford.  All the doubts of us being together at 15 and 17, married at 18 and 20.  Babies at 18, 20, 26, and 28.  Being best friends and “missing out” on boy’s nights and girl’s weekends.  I am grateful for it all and would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

In fact, I am doing it again.  I was blessed with another amazing husband.  We are besties.  We do pretty much everything together.  I do his activities, he supports my crazy ideas.  We create intentional downtime.  We have tons of family time but are very careful to have at least as much couple time.

We carve out little moments to just chat.  Short runs to the store or to pick something (or someone) up.  We strive to not argue about little things (maybe a little spat, but we don’t drag out things that won’t matter in a week).

We don’t have it perfect, but we try.  We are intentional.  We know that life changes in an instant and that we need to make the most of the boring, everyday things.

Take a little time to think about what you would regret if tomorrow didn’t come for someone that you love.  Fix it before it’s too late.

We are all terminal and we don’t know when our last heartbeat will be…….make this moment count.

 

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This post may just be outing myself, but I’m totally ok with being real.

Just curious…..do you ever tell someone that you are crazy busy just to justify why you haven’t met up with someone, or why you haven’t accomplished something, or just simply to get out of being asked to do something?

I just wonder if “crazy busy” is really very real and prevalent or if it’s an easy excuse when you don’t have anything else to say    If you are brave…..share your thoughts with me!!! 

I posed this question yesterday on my Facebook page and got many responses where people shared a little of their story and they really are busy. (this isn’t necessarily a post for those people 😉 )

Here’s my story.  There are times when we are truly busy running from one thing to the next, but it’s honestly not anything that couldn’t be changed if need be, and it’s normally only nights here and there.

I totally understand if you are a single parent, you work full time (or more), or if you have multiple kids in multiple activities.  I’ve been there.  I get the craziness.  This isn’t really questioning you.  It’s more of outing my own talk and way of presenting myself and wondering if I’m a weirdo or if we really do this to ourselves.

I wrote a post in November 2012 that was called Lazy or Living the Dream.  I have honestly always been that person.  Except when I was working full time, I’ve never really been that busy.  Even when I was working full time, I was completely ok with letting some things go, so I never felt like I just couldn’t keep my head above water.

I have been accused by employers of being efficient, so maybe I’m that way at home too.  I don’t know, I just know that when I say I’m busy……it’s not usually the case.

Now, my house isn’t spotless by any means.  It is clean, but not spotless.  My kids aren’t involved in a million things. I do work from home, but it can be done in little bits of time or one larger (but still pretty small) chunk of time.  I make my kids do chores.  They do their own laundry.  I menu plan. When my back isn’t messed up, I like to work out about 5 days a week.

I honestly have quite a bit of time during the day and I think I almost feel guilty about it, like I should constantly be doing something.  But I tend to answer that we’ve been busy when people ask me how things are going.  Why?  To make myself feel better about having a life that’s not consumed by busyness?

Maybe it’s because I just don’t like to be tied down that we aren’t over committed.  Maybe it’s because I like to be spontaneous.  Maybe it’s because I like to be available to my family at a moments notice.

I don’t know why I’m not busy.  Like I said, I now work from home, but even when I was full time, I didn’t feel busy.  Is busy a choice?  Do we let ourselves fall into that trap because it’s the catchphrase right now?  Because we somehow feel that we need (and our kids need) to be involved in everything under the sun to somehow get ahead?  Do we feel that if we have any downtime we are lazy?  What will people think?  Why do we feel that our kids need to go to school all day and then be in organized activity all night, until they shove a quick dinner in their mouth and collapse into their beds only to do it all over again tomorrow?

I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just lucky.  Maybe I just figured it out by accident.  But then why do I tell people that I’m busy?  Just to fit in?  Just to relate?  So they don’t feel bad that they have no breathing room and I do?

I seem to have this question pop up in my head every time I give someone that knee-jerk reaction answer that I’ve been busy…..because I don’t know why I say it.

If you are truly that crazy busy, why?  Are you unrealistic about what you can accomplish?  Are you people pleasing, trying to do the right thing?  Do you just take on too much because you can’t say no?

Don’t send me hate mail, I’m not calling anyone out or saying that you aren’t busy……..I know that some of you really are, by no choice of your own.  I’m just wondering if I’m the only one that almost feels guilty that I’m not, so I hurriedly state that I am, so that you don’t wonder why I’m not involved or something.

The truth is……I am not busy.  I do the things that I need to do.  I get done the things that I need to get done. And I have a lot of downtime……by choice.  We are able to be spontaneous as a family.  I am able to run an errand for my husband or kids when they need me.  I can meet with a friend when it works for them, because I purposely keep it that way.

Should I be giving more of my time?  Maybe, maybe not.  But the more I think about it, the more I like to be basically unscheduled.  I guess I just need to own it and do me.  Maybe it will inspire someone else to take time to enjoy life or not jump into every little thing because they feel that they have to.

Do you ever tell someone something because you feel the need to justify yourself?

Is this just a mental thing for me because I feel less than if I can’t proclaim busyness?

Are you truly busy or are you just carrying that around like a badge of honor, because it’s expected?

If you are truly busy and don’t hate me already…..is there anything you can let go or delegate so that you truly have time to enjoy your life?

Don’t forget to like and share this, I’d love to get some discussion going.  It may just prove that I’m a weirdo….but that’s ok, I can handle it 😉

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.

As I watched all the celebrations, gifts, and group pictures flood my newsfeed, I became increasingly irritated.

Then, last night one of my friends posted this:

I love my children. 
This Mothers Day flat out sucked.
It’s ok to cry. 

And finally, I had a sigh of relief.  Yes and amen.  Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it sucked.

My children woke up in a mood.

One of them went through her usual 800 outfits for church, none of which I approved of, which caused her disrespect and attitude to rear it’s ugly head.  She’d ask my opinion, I’d tell her, she’d get mad and stomp off back to her bedroom.  Vicious cycle.  Also causing her to initiate problems with her sisters because now she’s mad at the world.

Then, as we are getting ready to leave, I squash them taking small bags of chips in the car to eat for breakfast.  Um no.  No chips for breakfast.  Also, no chips to get smashed into my carpet and bags of crumbs to be dumped out and left in the garbage bags on the back of my car seats (also known as pockets for those that don’t have children).

I mean, we don’t go to church every Sunday so they didn’t know that we leave at a certain time and that breakfast needed to be eaten before then.  Because we never go through this scenario on the way out the door every.Sunday.

*insert eyeroll and LOTS of sarcasm*

Then came the 20-minute ride to church.  One was still fired up about the wardrobe and the lack of a chip breakfast and one was mad because there were only 3 of them that went so she couldn’t “call the backseat” with another because they all three sat in the middle seat.  And because one of them will not be with us next weekend, she won’t be able to sit there with her next weekend either……so for 2 whole weeks, she can’t “call the back”.  Insert meltdown.

Two children in two bad moods sitting next to each other in the car can only mean 1 thing.  Cue FIGHTING.

By the time we got to church, they were both banished to their rooms for the rest of the day.  No electronics, no books, no pens/paper, nothing…….just sit.

I should’ve known at that point to stay off social media, but no, I’m a sucker for punishment.

Flowers, extravagant gifts, dinners out, smiling children, husbands praising their wives……….all.of.it.

And I was getting more and more irritated with it, but it was like a train wreck, you just keep looking.

I was determined to not let it affect my mood, but it’s so hard.  It’s so hard to not wish things were different.  Can’t I just have one day that my kids don’t act like kids?

But then that post.  I had considered posting something like it myself, but she beat me to it.

Sure, there are posts that give the warm fuzzies to those that struggle to have children, those that are aunts only, those that have fur-babies, those who choose to be childless………but what about the ones that their kids choose to be jerks.  Those that didn’t get the memo that Mother’s Day is supposed to be all rainbows and butterflies?

Breakfast in bed with flowers? Expensive thank you gifts? Handmade cards telling you how amazing you are, even when they act like jerks?

I know that you are out there.

I know that there are others like me that just wanted yesterday to be over.

I love my girls more than life itself, but yesterday was hard.  And that’s ok.

It’s hard to not compare.  But because I didn’t say anything, I KNOW that there are others who didn’t either.  I KNOW that there are others that posted sweet pics when 5 minutes before, their kids were fighting.  I know that 5 minutes after the pic, the toddler threw an embarrassing tantrum on the sidewalk at church or in the grocery store.

I know that seeing the perfect pics were hard on some of you because your kids were on punishment yesterday and you just wanted to go have a quiet day ALONE……but you feel guilty.  Shouldn’t you want to spend the day with those that gave you the title of Mother?

I love being a mom but yesterday my kids acted like jerks and it’s ok that I wanted to be alone.  It’s ok that I didn’t post on social media because I was mad at them.

Saturday, I posted lots of pics of my kids being silly.  We had a blast at a baseball game.  They didn’t fight.  They weren’t sassy. They didn’t complain.  We just had fun.  We spent too much money and we enjoyed ourselves.

I will consider Saturday my Mother’s Day because my family was together and enjoying life together.

Who cares about Hallmark and their made up holidays anyway?  I don’t need them to tell me that I’m doing a good job as a mom……I am.  And so are you.

I love my children.
This Mothers Day flat out sucked.
It’s ok to cry.

How was your Mother’s Day?

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How many things do we not pursue because we don’t feel like we know enough when education is the very thing we are pursuing?

You are probably wondering what the heck I’m talking about…..let me explain……

I read somewhere about someone that didn’t want to take a certain class because they didn’t know anything about the subject.  I mean, isn’t learning about something the very reason that you take the class?  Who made knowledge of something a pre-requisite to taking a class?  No one that I know of!

As I’ve been sharing about lately, I’m really getting into living toxin free, cleaning up my diet, using holistic remedies, and getting my body back in shape.  There are so many times that I see education that I would like to do but I feel that I don’t know enough to do it.  Since when do we need to be able to teach the class to be able to take it?  That thinking defeats the entire point of taking the class in the first place!!

There is a saying that says “An expert at anything was once a beginner” (or something along those lines).  We all start somewhere.  We don’t need to know what we are doing to start or continue learning. That is why it’s called learning.

I just wonder how many times we hold back what we do know because we feel that it’s not enough but are too nervous to learn more.  Too nervous to put ourselves out there without all of our credentials?

Les Brown says that if you are the smartest person in the room, you need to find a new room.

Learning should be lifelong.  And we shouldn’t not do something because we are a beginner and feel inferior to those with more expertise and background.  They, too, had to start from the beginning.

Are there things that you aren’t doing because you don’t feel like you know enough?

Maybe you aren’t speaking up about healthy eating because you are new on your journey.  Maybe you don’t want to enroll in a computer class because you don’t even know how to turn your computer on.  Maybe you don’t want to ask a question on a forum because you feel that you will be judged if you ask a question deemed “dumb” by those more experienced than you.  Maybe you feel that you can’t start a new life path because “you’ve never done anything like this before”, even though you are passionate about it.

We need to stop this holding ourselves back because we think we need to be knowledgeable in every area before we start anything new.  Learning comes from doing.  Learning comes from immersing ourselves in something and asking (even seemingly dumb) questions.

It’s funny because if you dive in and learn what you are searching for, all of a sudden, you have something new that you need to learn to compliment what you learned in the first place.  Even highly successful people need to keep learning.  In fact, successful people will tell you that they never stop learning! They are always doing self-development and searching for new ways to do things.

If you are the smartest person in the room, find a new room

Don’t let being a beginner hold you back.  Plow boldly into education then apply it.  Ask questions.  Blow off anyone that is rude or that feels that your question is too easy; just remember they started somewhere too.  Once you find yourself in a good place, look for those just starting out to help.  Show them grace and compassion and help them move up the knowledge scale.

Learn. Apply. Give back. Repeat.

Stop being afraid to step out.  The greatest growth happens in the scary places.  Get uncomfortable.  Do something you’ve never done.  Remember that if you want something that you’ve never had, you have to do something that you’ve never done.

Have you ever found yourself in that place that you won’t step out to learn something because you don’t know enough yet?  Doesn’t that sound ridiculous when put in writing?  “I can’t learn that because I don’t know it yet”

Stay true to yourself, push past your comfort zone and change your world!

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With today being the day after Easter, my newsfeed has been filled with infographics of how much exercise to do to burn off the Easter goodies.

We.need.to.stop.this.madness!

As I’ve been on this journey of health, fitness, and wholeness I’ve realized how many times I’ve fallen into this trap of punishing my body because of something (or many somethings) that I’ve eaten.  Maybe you do this too?

I’ll do an extra 1/2 hour on the treadmill because I ate those cookies.

I’ll workout this morning so that tonight I can eat cake after dinner.

I’m going to push extra hard today so that I can nosh on chips and salsa at the birthday party tonight.

Or maybe it’s not punishing your body, but your mind because of your indulgence.

I did it AGAIN.  I’ll never be able to lose the weight.

I can’t seem to get this right.  I might as well start again on Monday.  Let’s eat junk the rest of this day (week, month) so I get it out of my system to start on Monday. 

I finally got down to my goal weight and will not have that cake at my daughter’s birthday because it will cause me to get fat again.  Will power don’t fail me now.

You are such a loser.  How many times are your going to start again?  This cycle has been with you your whole life, you might as well just give up.

I could go on and on and on.  This has been my life cycle.  This is the cycle of so many women that I know (men too).

Food is not the issue.

The issue is much much deeper.

And it is more widespread than I ever realized until I started training in this field.  I still struggle and I’ve been training in health and fitness for over a year now.

I got to the point that for the 1st time in over 16 years I was actually losing weight.  Then I fell off the wagon.  Slowly, but it happened.  For about 4 months, I’ve been chasing after the wagon to jump back on, but just can’t seem to keep my grip.

I know how good I felt following a system that I *knew* I was going to hate.  I know how much energy I had.  I know how easy it was.  I loved not having sweet treats call to me all.the.time.  I loved how my clothes were starting to fit.  I swore that I would NOT go into my 38th birthday feeling the same way and looking the same way that I did on my 37th birthday.

Now, here I am closing in on 38 and I’m still the same weight (I gained back what I lost).  Still in the same clothes.  Tired all the time again.  Back pain again.  Cranky again. Craving sugar again.

I get it.  I’m in it with you.  However, one thing is different this time.

I REFUSE TO HATE MY BODY.

I refuse to punish my body because of the choices that I consciously made.  I refuse to fall back into the trap of picking apart my capable body. I refuse to starve myself to compensate for too many indulgences.  I refuse to injure myself pushing past exercise limits because my food choices have been less than stellar.  I won’t do it.  I am not worth less because I backslid a little, as far as healthy eating is concerned.

I refuse to condemn a body that is still able.  Still able to exercise.  Still able to walk.  Still able to run.  Still able to kickbox.  Still able to take care of my family.  Still able to chew my food.  Still able to prepare food that is good for me.  Still able to do all the activities with my family that I want to.

Am I a little irritated at myself that I’m not yet where I want to be? yep

Am I a little irritated that I let myself go back to where I started? yep

But I can be irritated, annoyed, frustrated and not stay there.  I can feel those things and not shame or hate my body.  I can feel those feelings and not start to hate the way my body looks and feels.

Instead, I will be grateful.  I will be grateful that I am able to start again.  I am grateful that I have the ability to move.  I have the ability to take care of my family.  I have the ability to use a system that is so easy to follow.  I have the ability to eat real, non-processed, healthy food because it’s available.  I have the privilege to make better choices, I’m not forced to eat something less than nutritious because that is all that is available to me.

I have so much in this life. I will continue to look for things to be happy about.  I will continue to pursue thankfulness. I will continue to feel my feelings but I will use them as motivation to move forward.  I only fail when I stop trying.  I know that I’ve learned lessons during these months of backsliding.  I will use those lessons to propel me forward.  I will start again.

We have got to stop punishing ourselves or feeling guilty when we step out of our goals.

Our bodies are amazing.  We need to treat them as such.  Stop the punishment.  Stop the rules.  Stop stepping out of life because you are so focused on every.little.morsel of food.

Sometimes you have to be happy with good enough.  Eat healthy food because you want to feel strong.  Eat healthy because you want to have an amazing quality of life.  Eat healthy because you want to feel comfortable in your clothes.  But don’t punish yourself when you slip a little.

There are so many more layers of why we fall off the healthy eating wagon…..but I won’t go into them in this post.  I will just leave it at this…..

Stop punishing yourself for eating.  Stop hating your body.

Move your body because you are able.  Move your body because it’s good for stress relief.  Move your body because it helps you feel energized.  Move your body to stay in the best health you can.  Move your body to give thanks that you can.

BUT don’t move it because you ate out of an Easter basket.  Or some pizza. Or your birthday cake.

Is this your mindset?  Do you struggle with this? What about yourself can you appreciate so that it changes your perspective?  Let’s chat, leave a comment below!

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After I hit publish on my last blog post, I received a message on facebook.  This message let me know that my blog is a blessing to this woman and that she fully believes that others are being reached through my writing.

Now, I am not saying this to brag.  I’m not looking for attention or for anyone to offer up more compliments.  It just made me start thinking that we don’t tell people enough how we feel about them.

Every day we are on social media.  Do we throw out a random like or do we just mindlessly scroll and say nothing?  I know, personally, I like a lot more things than I actually comment on.  Or I just don’t do anything at all.  I just don’t take the time.  But this message was absolutely balm to my soul.  I’ve struggled with getting back into writing and sometimes it just feels like too much.  Not needed, not wanted, not worth the effort.  This comment, that took very little time to write, re-set my brain to remember why I write.

What if we all started taking a minute to tell someone that they blessed you?  What if we reached out to let others feel that they are loved and seen?

Maybe it would give someone the little boost that they need to carry on if we took the time to tell them how much they mean.

• The mom that is at home every day with small children
• The widow that is trying to move through grief and learn how to parent without her husband
• The working mom that is trying to balance it all
• The mom that is starting a work from home business so that she can be with her kids and contribute to her family’s income
• The single teenager that is trying to survive high school and figure the world out
• The grandmother who is seeing their children or grandchildren self-destruct and are powerless to do something about it
• The girl that has always battled weight and is now committed to being active and eating well
• The woman that is appearing to be seeking attention, because you know that there are deeper issues going on

We just never know what is going on behind closed doors.  We never know what someone is hiding.  We never know what is behind the smile.

Maybe your 30 seconds that it takes to write a heartfelt comment to someone will give them the strength to make it to bedtime.  Or the will to carry on when everything looks bleak.  Or the ability to walk away from the cookie that is calling out of loneliness or boredom.  Maybe it will give fresh inspiration to the business builder that the hours and hours of seemingly worthless work really is paying off; maybe it really is worth the grind.

We all want to be seen, loved, and known.  Are you willing to take a minute and be that light in someone’s life?

At some point we have all wanted to throw in the towel, we have all wanted to quit.

My mom is an amazing example of this type of encouragement.  She is always sending out cards with Bible verses on them and a little note telling the recipient how good they are doing.

Does this take a lot of time? nope

Does it take a lot of money? nope

Does it encourage and let someone know that they are worth the time and energy it took to send it? yep

Does it make someone know that you are thinking about them and that they are doing a good job? yep

We need to give away what we need.  If we want to feel loved, valued, and seen, we need to start by giving it away.  Reach out to someone that inspires you, or someone that you know is walking through a rough time, or just someone that posted something that you liked.

As I get older, I realize how much we were made for community.  I realize how much we need to be involved in others’ lives and how much we need them involved in ours.

So, take the time to reach out and encourage.  You never know much someone may need it.  You never know when you may be an answer to prayer.  You never know when your words were exactly what someone needed to hear at exactly that time.

Send a text, send a FaceBook message, send a snail mail card, send a little gift, give them a phone call……just do something.  Be a blessing.  You will feel better because of it and so will they.

Have you ever received just the right words at just the right time?  How did it affect your mood, day, business, parenting, marriage?  What can you do to bless those around you?

Let’s connect…..share ideas below in the comments or share an instance where you were blessed unexpectedly!

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(and to you that sent me the message, thank you!)

As many of you know, for the last several years, I have been searching for my place and purpose in this life.  Why am I here?  What is my God-given design and direction for my life?

Obviously, as a two-time wife and mom of 5, being a wife and mom are part of my purpose, but like many of you, I long for more.  I love taking care of my family, but I feel that there is more out there for me to do.  There are additional places where I am supposed to make an impact, more places to share my story.  More people to serve and love on.

In the last year since I became a Revelation Wellness instructor, things have changed so much for me.  I’ve seen God in a new light.  I’ve had chains broken.  I’ve tasted true, life-altering freedom.  I’ve also struggled with what I’m supposed to do with it.  What does it look like now that my mindset is changing? What story am I supposed to be sharing and how?

I read this quote this morning and it stopped me in my tracks.  It came up on my time hop on Facebook and, as they seem to do, resurfaced at a perfect time.  You may say that it’s a coincidence, I call it God’s perfect timing 🙂

Your greatest ministry will most likely come out of your greatest hurt. ~ Rick Warren

I’ve seen this quote many times, but this morning, it took on a whole new meaning and conviction.

You see, I have struggled with body image and weight my entire life.  I’ve lost weight, I’ve gained weight, I’ve eaten dairy and gluten, I’ve not eaten dairy and gluten, I’ve worked out consistently, I’ve been lazy……but regardless of what size I’ve been, I’ve not been happy……at least where my body is concerned.

I’ve been happy with my life.  Content. Peaceful. But at the core of it all, I’ve never really been happy with myself.  That was always the thorn in my side that I couldn’t ever seem to pull out.

I’ve had issues with unbalanced hormones, thyroid, adrenals, herniated discs, blood sugar, stress, and horrible eating habits.  There were so many people saying “do this” or  “do that” for solving these “problems” that it was just overwhelming.  When I did think I had an answer to one or all of these, I struggled to follow through long enough to allow my body (and the good Lord) to fix itself.  I would just get caught back up in all the noise that is everywhere.

I have always been drawn to fitness.  I love a good kickboxing workout or lifting free weights.  I love feeling strong, even if sometimes my body’s looks don’t reflect the strength.  While I had a gym membership for a year a long time ago, I’ve never seen myself as a “trainer” or as someone that could actually serve people through fitness and wellness.  Heck, I was having a hard enough time figuring it out myself.  How could I put myself out there if I didn’t look the part?

Then I found Rev.  It changed me.  It made me see myself as God sees me.  His love for me is not dependent on how I look.  I need to be physically fit to be able to fulfill my calling on my life and also to be able to serve my family, but He’s never judgemental about my weight.  He just keeps gently nudging me back to my calling.  He showed me that I don’t need to look the part, I just need to follow Him.  He will bring those that need my message and help.  He will make a way.  He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.  If He calls me to it, He is faithful to give me what I need to succeed, I only just need to ask and trust.

I honestly thought that because being a wife comes so easy to me that it was my calling.  To lead other women in being a godly wife.  I thought that with me sharing the lessons I was learning on my blog in the years before Chad died that I was serving my purpose.  I had many many people come up to me after he passed away and tell me how much my blog helped them and how much it changed their way of thinking.

I think I struggled for so long with my purpose because I felt like that was it.  When I found myself in a brand new marriage, I no longer felt qualified to be leading others in regards to marriage.  I was the one that needed to be taught.  I was learning how to be a wife and how to have a great marriage all over again myself, what advice did I have to give?

Then I thought that maybe my story of being a widow was my calling.  To share my story to encourage others.  To remind others to live each day fully and intentionally.

While I know that this is a very important part of my story, I no longer think that this is my calling.  It’s funny to think about now because being a wife and a widow are easy for me to talk about.  I can talk about them on my own power.  Yes, I am in that place because of the Lord’s hand, but it’s not a spot that gives me nervous diarrhea…..lol.

I’ve always heard that it’s in the hard places that change comes.  It’s in the stepping out when it’s scary that things happen.  It’s being faithful to God’s call when you are absolutely NOT equipped to do the job.  It’s relying on Him to make things happen because this is not your happy place.  It’s trusting that He gave you enough desire in an area to get you interested, but not enough to step out without needing Him to make it work.  It’s in the place of being comfortable getting uncomfortable.  That’s where the biggest things happen.  That is where real change takes place.  That’s where your purpose lies.

Something just clicked when I read that quote this morning.

My purpose in this life is to share fitness and nutrition freedom.  I need to share because I don’t have it figured out.  I need to share because I also have to figure out what works for me.  I need to share because I do have knowledge that will help others just starting out on this journey.  I need to share because I’m in it with them, maybe I’m just a step farther ahead in that process and can now give back.  I need to share because it scares me.  I need to share because others need to know that there is a life of freedom waiting for them.

My greatest hurt in my whole life has been being stuck inside of myself.  Loathing myself. Hating my body. Wishing I was something or someone different.  Looking at others wishing that “I could do that”.

In Rev, we talked a lot about our original design.  What is your bend?  What have you been drawn to your entire life?  What makes you feel alive and free?  What scares you to death?  That is what you should do.  That is where your freedom and purpose lives.

For me, it’s fitness.  It’s sharing and inviting others when I don’t yet look the part.  It’s trusting that someone out there needs me to step out for them to find freedom.

Don’t get me wrong, there has been much confusion, frustration, and doubt circling this realization.  There is soooooo much out there in the world regarding fitness, diets, supplements, workouts, etc.  Trying to sort it all out is maddening.  So I stopped trying to figure it out.

I have learned that everyone is different and that everything isn’t going to work for everybody.  It is important for you to learn what works for your body and for your lifestyle.

Taking the pressure off myself to fit into ANY mold has been life-giving.  I have learned so much through my Rev training, my nutrition training, and my supplement company.

I am beginning to see what works for me and what doesn’t.  I am learning to listen to my body and adjust accordingly.  I have also learned that none of it matters if faith isn’t a part of the process.

My longest greatest hurt that has been a hindrance in my life is my body issues.  My greatest regret is that I didn’t see the faith and fitness connection sooner.  I will not allow myself to live in regret, however, so I move on from here.   I confess trying to do this myself.  I confess making my body and idol.  I confess making food an idol and comfort.  I confess not being diligent.

Over the last week or two, I’ve truly had an awakening regarding my complete health and wellness and I have no doubt that my “get to” in this life is to share freedom with others.

I am so tired of not being able to be active like I desire to be with my family.  I am so sick of not moving forward because of what others will think.  And I also wonder how many will stay stuck in bondage to lies if I don’t step up and live the life I am here to live?

Sobering thought.  Am I the reason that some are still struggling?  Who am I keeping from freedom because I am so stuck in my own head?

I am here for a purpose and I am confident that I, finally, know what that purpose is.  It is to continue to find freedom for myself in the areas of mind, body, and soul health and to help others to do the same.

New things are coming and I can’t wait to share!

Are you stuck in self-loathing?  Are you physically sick or overweight?  Are you struggling with chronic health issues?  Do you hate the mirror? Do you want energy to be able to be active with your family? I’d love to help you, contact me here, or leave a message below and let’s connect!

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Yesterday I read one of my old blog posts and it hit me hard.  It was about being thankful for where you are and what you have right now and not always wanting more.  I spent several years before my 1st husband passed away learning how to be content.  After he passed, it took me years to start to figure life out again.  We just passed the 5 year anniversary of his death, and I’m still trying to get back on track.

We were high school sweethearts.  I was 15 when we got together.  We shared almost 17 years together.  That is a long time when those years are your growing up years.  We never knew how to be apart.  We learned to be adults, parents, and spouses together.  When that was suddenly gone, I was lost.  I didn’t know who I was anymore.  Everything that had shaped me was no longer a factor.

I could do anything I wanted.  I could make any decisions that I wanted.  I could just be me without regard to anyone else.  I didn’t have to factor in anyone else’s desires or thoughts.  I was free to just be Nicole.

But who was Nicole?

My whole purpose was being a wife.  I loved my kids and I loved being a mom, but being a wife was my greatest calling.  I knew that Chad wanted the very best for our family and I grew to be content to follow his leading for our family.  For someone that is as strong-willed and opinionated as I am, that wasn’t always easy, but I knew with all my heart that he was leading our family as he felt God was leading him.

By following his lead for our family, I found myself in positions that I never thought I’d be in.  I was a stay at home mom and we were homeschooling.  Those days can become very monotonous, and that, coupled with an extreme lack of money, set me up for some very very hard days.

The amazing thing about that time, though, was that as hard as it was at that time, the Lord was working on me to be happy with where I was.  To be happy to be able to be at home with my kids.  To be able to be the one teaching them and watching them learn.  To be happy to be able to make food for my family (though I hated cooking, I started to be thankful that I had the time to make them healthy foods from scratch).  To be happy that my days weren’t crazy busy and that I had ample downtime to grow my relationship with the Lord and to be able to write about it so that others could be encouraged.

I found great happiness in little things.  I got to a place where I refused to worry.  I didn’t overanalyze every little thing.  I actually enjoyed being with my kids.  I loved taking care of my husband.  It was just a very content place in my life.

Since then, I’ve had to re-discover me.  In that process, I’ve lost my joy.  I’ve lost my contentment.  I always seem to be looking for the thing that will finally make me happy.

I want structure, but I want to be spontaneous.  I want to work for myself, but I want someone to tell me what to do.  I want money now, but I want time to figure things out and make money on my own. I want to be fit and healthy, but I want to eat junk too often.  I want to be diligent and persistent and consistent, but I want to chase all the shiny things and quit when it gets a smidge hard. I want to control but know that isn’t the way.  I want to live in freedom and joy but live in fear.

My husband and I are in a class called Freedom right now at our church.  It is amazing.  It totally reinforces everything we learned in Revelation Wellness training.  Freedom is what I want.  Contentment. Joy. Happiness. Freedom to live the abundant life that Christ came to give.  I’m ready to get unstuck.

Isn’t it funny that when you are struggling, it seems that the answers just keep popping up all around you?

After the blog coming back up yesterday about finding the joy in everyday things, this came up on my time hop on Facebook this morning.  I was again reminded of how far I’ve fallen and also it gave me new motivation to get back to where I was.

My 1st husband loved life.  He truly taught me how to love the everyday things.  The little things.  The insignificant things.  In fact, that was one of the traits that kept coming back up over and over and over after his death.  How much he didn’t need much to be happy.  How he was satisfied with what he had.

Sure, we had dreams to do more and have more and to better the lives of our girls, but he taught me to be content in the process.  How to be happy with what you have.  How to live in the moment and savor the day.  How to dream without creating unhealthy desire.  How to be thankful.  How to live with joy.

My house is in currently in chaos.

It is my fault.

I take total responsibility.  The mom sets the tone, right?  I believe it wholeheartedly.

I’ve forgotten the very thing that made my memories so sweet.  It was the emotional place that I was in.  The fully surrendered to God, live a life of joy, thankfulness, and gratitude life.

In my search to find out who I am as a person, woman, new wife, new step-mama, mom to teens/young adults, etc I’ve lost my joy.

I am looking to so many things to try to find joy that I’ve created an atmosphere of chaos in my home.

I’m crabby.  Because I’m crabby, my kids are crabby.  Because we are all crabby, my husband gets crabby.  It’s a vicious circle and I, sadly, just want out.  And, honestly, I have checked out.  Which just makes it worse.  I just don’t want to do anything.  I waste time on my phone or hide out in my bedroom.  I bury myself in a book, or just want to leave the house altogether.  If/when they want my attention, they are met with attitude, sarcasm, or disgust.  I just don’t want to deal with the chaos anymore, so I don’t……which only leads to more chaos.

But……..the good news is that I CAN CHANGE IT.

I can find joy in the process of finding out what makes me ME. I can trust God’s timing and enjoy that I am right where I’m supposed to be.  I can put on a smile and be happy for my children.  I can find little ways to tell my husband that I love, respect, and appreciate him.

Will it be hard?  Yep.

Will I have to somewhat fake it til I make it? Yep.

Will I want to just retreat sometimes and just be ornery? Yep.

But it’s not worth it.  The sacrifice is too great.  My family is growing.  Time is wasting.  I can’t let any more time get away while I’m sulking and contributing my bad attitude to finding myself.

I can’t whine about my life when I’m doing nothing to change it.  I’m half-heartedly trying to change things in my life, but I’m fully committed to nothing.

This reminder from One Fit Widow this morning was so eye-opening.

My late husband was one that lived life with blinders on.  He saw what he wanted and he did it.  When things didn’t go his way, he readjusted and kept plugging on.  It wasn’t easy, but for the most part, he did it with a smile on his face.  He was just generally happy with life.  He was the poster child for contentment.  As a result, our family thrived.

This life of joy and thankfulness didn’t die with my husband.  It wasn’t something that only he possessed.  He didn’t take it with him and leave me with nothing.

It is a choice.  He made the choice to live his life that way and SO CAN I!

It is a choice to be thankful no matter what. It is a choice to dwell on what you do have, and not what you don’t.  It is a choice to put on a happy face and speak from a heart of gratitude.  It is a choice to move on in life and notice the little things that make our lives great.  How you speak to your loved ones is a choice…..whether you speak kindly or harshly.  Whether you speak life-giving words or words that cause harm.  Whether you spread peacefulness or stir up chaos.

Sometimes you just need to make a decision to start.  A decision, a choice, to stop being negative.  A choice to press on even when it’s hard and to put a smile on your face regardless of circumstances.  A choice to focus on what you already have and be thankful for it.  A choice to not complain.  A choice to be the change that you want to see in your children or in the atmosphere of your home.

My 1st husband was very simple.  He was genuinely happy.  He was genuinely satisfied with his life.  He helped me to be that person and I want to be here again.

Even though I learned that from him, he didn’t make me that way.  I made a choice. I made a choice to live in thankfulness and joy.  I’m ready to be that person again.

My new family deserves that.  My new husband deserves that.  My kids deserve that.

I know all too well that life is short and I don’t want to leave this life with a family that can’t say that I lived my life with a smile on my face. I want them to be able to remember their childhood as a time of joy and laughter and fun.  I want them to remember the little things that brought them joy.  I want them to be able to say that no matter what, their home was safe and comforting.

This hasn’t been the case for many years, but I want it back.  I miss that girl and I know that my family does too.

How about you?  Are you committed to being joyful?  Do you let life get to you and bring you down? Are you thankful for where you are?  It’s impossible to be thankful and crabby at the same time.  If you are intentionally looking for the best in everything and living in gratitude for the blessings you have been given, joy will come….you won’t even have to search for it.

Let’s chat!  Leave me a comment below 🙂  Also, please like and share!

 

Most people are so negative they have to say ‘no’ 7 times before they say ‘yes'” ~ Les Brown

7 times.  Why?  Why are people so scared of change?  So scared of things being different…..even to the point of staying miserable because change is just too much to handle.

I will say that I am in this camp more than I would like to admit.  As a recovering people pleaser with many instances of relapse, I totally get not wanting to be that person.

That person that preaches too much.  That person that is trying to sell you something.  That person that is seemingly everywhere trying to get you to do things that you don’t want to do.  That person that keeps coming back again and again and bugging you when you’ve already told them no.  That person that has changed their life and for some reason feels that you need to change yours too.  That person that continually goes on and on about the things that they are excited about.

I know, they got on my nerves too.  Until I started seeing them (and myself) in a different light.  What if they were onto something?  What if they had an answer to my problem?  What if I was staying miserable because I am so negative and caught up in myself that I was missing something that may be an answer to prayer?

Do you ever talk to people and discount everything they say because if you were to believe what they were saying, you’d have to change?  You’d have to put in some work? You’d have to quit complaining about yourself and change your circumstances?  You’d have to admit that you really are just existing instead of living, but living means making changes?

I am a famous quitter.  I quit everything that I start.  This year, the word that I kept hearing and seeing all over was diligent.  Last year, it was be still.  I spent the year being still.  Learning, listening, healing myself (inside and out).

Now that I feel led to move on to diligence, it’s scary!  It means that I need to go after my God-given dreams, even if I go alone.  It means that I need to put in the work even if no one responds.  It means that I need to push on even when it’s hard.

I so desperately don’t want to be that person, that I drop out.  I quit.

I struggle to put myself out there on social media because I think, “Who cares?  No one cares what you are having for lunch”.  But what if they do?  What if someone that never speaks up needed an idea or help starting to eat healthy?  If I don’t share something so “stupid” as my lunch, am I hindering them?

If I don’t share a workout, am I giving others the impression that I’m not committed, so they take time off too?  If I don’t share my journey to working for myself from home, am I keeping them from financial freedom because others may see me as that person?

These are all the things that I think when I don’t share on social media.  But by hiding, I am not moving forward.  Because I am not moving forward, I quit.  Because I quit, I’m stuck in the same place year after year after year.

Stuck in a less than stellar financial position.  Stuck in a body that is not in the best shape that it could be. Stuck in my own limited thinking and fear that if people don’t flock to me that I’m not going to make it, so I might as well quit.

The quote above really struck me.  We heard the speech it came from at my company’s conference last August and it struck me then too.

Many people don’t even know what they are missing out on because they are stuck in negativity.  Stuck in a mentality that everyone is out to harm them.  Stuck in the thinking that they are just living the hand that they were dealt in life and are powerless to change it.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR SITUATION.  YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS TO CHANGE IT.  YOU CAN DO BETTER AND BE BETTER.

Another quote from Les Brown is this, “You gotta be HUNGRY”.  You’ve got to be hungry for change.  You have got to be sick and tired of your life the way it is.  Sick and tired of being physically sick and tired.  Sick and tired of being financially unstable.  Sick and tired of letting others dictate your life.

It’s time we get out of our own heads.  It’s time we stop telling outselves that it’s too late and nothing can change.  It’s time that we stop believing the lies that we are just unlucky and we can’t do better and be better with our lives.

My mom used to always tell us “can’t never did anything”.  Now, that was normally when we didn’t want to do something and we wanted her to do it for us, but it absolutely applies here also.  You not wanting to do something is totally different than you not being capable of doing something.

You don’t really want to lose weight or you could (or find out what is going on in your body to cause it to retain weight).  You don’t really want to get out of debt or you’d find every last way to make money and get it done.  You don’t really want to be financially free or leave your job because if you did, you’d get out there and do something different.  Admit it, you are comfortable miserable.  You are not happy with your life circumstances, but you are too negative to say yes to anything that would change the trajectory of your life.

I am totally preaching to myself here.  Stop with the negativity.  Stop with the overthinking.  Stop with the fear because it looks too hard or unachievable.  The greatest at anything was once a beginner.

Start where you are.  Don’t be critical of everyone and everything.  Take one step at a time.  Do not give up.  You can change your timeline or your path, but don’t give up progress to your goals.  Fail and try again.  Don’t listen to others and don’t look to others to validate you.  Surround yourself with positive people and people that will push you to keep going when you want to quit.

I am finally ready to move forward.  The first 3 months of 2018 have been tough and I’ve chickened out of my goals and dreams too many times……but I haven’t quit.  I may have stalled a bit, but I am so sure of my word diligent being perfect for me right now, that I won’t allow any quitting.

People may get tired of seeing me, but that is ok.  They can choose to move on.  I want to be surrounded by those that are sick of the negativity and are ready to live their lives intentionally; on purpose for a purpose.

Carrie Wilkerson, The Barefoot Executive, teaches that you have to put yourself out there if you want people to know what you do.  For me, this means putting myself out there so that people know what I am moving towards in my life.  I am moving towards building my business around helping and serving others in the areas of total body health and wellness.  Mind, body, and soul healing.

It is not up to others to remember what I’m doing.  It is up to me to put myself out there so that when a person that needs my help is ready, they can find me.  If I stay stuck in the negative space, I would stop putting myself out there after a few days of no responses.  I would think, “no one cares, no one wants to work with you, you are in over your head, you are becoming that person and people are going to get irritated”.

BUT what if I continue to provide value?  What if I continue to put advice out there that people need?  What if I decide that when my people are ready they will find me because I didn’t stop when it felt like nothing was happening?  I didn’t fall back into my own insecurities that no response meant that people were irritated with me.  Chances are, people aren’t even thinking about me as much as I give them credit for.  Do you find this to be true about yourself too?  Do you often quit before you really get started?

What opportunities are you passing by because you are so stuck in your own negativity?  Financial, personal, physical, all of the above?  I would love to be your cheerleader if you are ready to move forward and get out of the comfortable misery that you are living in.  Are there people that you see doing great things in your life and you are just watching from the sidelines because you are paralyzed with fear and what if’s?  Paralyzed by fear of failure?

What are you waiting for???  Make the changes now……time is not something that you can ever get back so don’t waste it.  You are stronger than you think and you are capable of more than you can imagine.  Let yourself dream then act.  It’s never too late.

Please like and share if you were challenged by this!

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