Seeking Contentment | Faith | Fitness | Nutrition | Mindset | Family

It’s that time of year again to see all the posts regarding “getting ready for summer”.  Your summer clothes from last year don’t fit.  Time to “get back on the wagon”. Time to dial it back in.  Get it back under control.  I mean it this time.  I’m going to do this once and for all.

Well, at least until someone shows up with my favorite cake.

Does this sound familiar to you?  Is this you?

The reason there are so many of these posts all over the place is that our diet culture is all wrong.  Yes, they are offering weight loss.  It may be easy and it may be quick, but will it be lasting?

It becomes lasting when you find the root cause of what caused you to be overweight in the first place. Period. The End.

Naturally thin people don’t worry about their clothes not fitting from last year because they don’t emotionally eat.  They don’t eat for every party. They don’t eat because they are sad. They don’t eat because it’s vacation.

They eat because they are hungry.  And you know what else they do?  They stop when they are full (not stuffed…just full).

Oh the madness!

When we are born, we only eat when we are hungry.  If you’ve ever tried to feed a toddler that isn’t hungry, you know what I’m talking about.  I always laugh when people try to persuade little ones to eat that don’t want to.  No toddler has ever starved with food in front of them. They will eat it when they are hungry.

Then as they grow, we use food as a reward and thus begins the cycle of emotional eating.

I have struggled with this my whole life. I understand the people that are making these posts on social media.

But you buying a 21-day fix won’t help you in the long run.  I am not saying that it won’t give you the jump start that you need, but you need to go into it with the mentality that it is a start…..not something that will get you to your goal weight and keep you there.

In this fast-paced world, it is easy to tend toward the promise of fast or little effort.  We are all looking for time savers.  We want everything yesterday.  We don’t want to put in the time or effort that it takes to make a lasting change because it’s just something else that we have to add to our already overstuffed schedules.

It’s so easy to fall into the hype of a pill or potion that will make you bikini ready in 21 days without any changes on your part, but you are just setting yourself up for failure.  There is nothing on this planet that will fix your weight issues by popping a pill or drinking a coffee or replacing food with shakes.  It’s just not that easy. Period.

If you want to heal your body from disease, lose weight, tone up, or just feel better in your own skin…..you will have to make some sacrifices.  You will have to do.the.work.

There is a saying that goes something like this……”losing weight is hard, being fat is hard….choose your hard“.  Also, “nothing worth doing is easy”. Or maybe “do it today, feel like it tomorrow”.  There are so many quotes that prove to us that getting healthy and lean isn’t a sprint, yet we still feel that we can accomplish it quickly and with little effort.

When you follow these fads and don’t get results or they don’t last, it just sets you up for mental anguish and the cycle continues.

“I won’t ever be skinny”

“I might as well just give up, this doesn’t work for me.”

“I can’t change my weight so I’ll just have a tub of ice cream”

I don’t want to sound like I’m going against all the people on social media that offer these 21 day boot camps, cleanses, jump starts, etc., but I also don’t want you going into the 21 days thinking you will drop 50 lbs, be chiseled, and never have to worry about emotional eating again.  It is not that simple.

As many of you know, I just got certified in nutrition coaching through Precision Nutrition.  In their program, they encourage participants to sign up for a whole year.  Yes, ONE WHOLE YEAR!

Do you know why?  Because it takes TIME to learn what works for your body.  It takes time to overcome emotional eating. It takes time to heal your body and your mind. It takes time to get into a pattern that you CAN sustain for the rest of your life.

There are no diet rules, no forbidden foods, no killing yourself in the gym, no gross meal plans.  It’s learning to eat for your body. It’s finding real food that you love. It’s finding ways to move your body that you actually enjoy.  It’s saying goodbye to quick fixes, fads, and chasing shiny things.  It’s learning to love your body and the process of feeding it and moving it to find the perfect place for you.  Just because something works well for someone else does NOT mean that it will work for you. We all have different body chemistry, different likes/dislikes, different time available, different finances, different families, different pasts; the list goes on and on.  We have got to stop trying to follow what everyone else is doing and find our own way.  That takes time and patience.

I totally get it if time and patience aren’t your thing.  I struggle with them, too.  However, I’ve noticed that the more I make small subtle changes, the easier they become.  They are easier to implement without disrupting life too much.  Then once you have something small implemented, you add something else.  That is the way to real lasting change.

If you are sick of not getting results, it’s time to slow down.  It’s time to dig deep and find out what is causing issues in the first place.  It’s time to listen to your body and figure out what works for your body, mind, and life.  It’s time to love yourself into your happy weight and physique. It’s time to stop with the quick fixes and drastic changes. Enough is enough.

If you didn’t work at your body in December, you can’t start in April and be ripped by June.  It just doesn’t work that way.  Expecting that our of your body just fuels body hate and more disordered eating and thinking.

Time is ticking, it will pass either way. Do you want to spend it chasing things that don’t last or are you ready to commit to finally figuring it out this time?

I talk about all this plus give practical tips to Falling Off the Diet Wagon for Good in my new ebook!  It will be available for sale VERY soon!  If you are interested in knowing when it hits the sale rack, click here and request to be put on the list for notifications.

I am now also offering personal 1 on 1 coaching if you are ready for a holistic, personalized, faith-based approach for learning your body and how to best care for it through real-life nutrition and movement.  Shoot me a message here if you’d like more details!

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Have you ever felt totally excited about something new only to have the doubts and fears creep in as soon as you start to take action?

That has been my world lately.  I am finally in a place that I absolutely love.  I’m happy with my body.  It’s not where I want it to be, but I have determined to love it into shape instead of hate it into submission. I am happy with where my business is going. I’m happy that the sun is finally shining and it’s warming up here in mid-Michigan.  I am just living in a place of gratitude and it’s amazing.

I’ve finally learned how to capture thoughts that don’t serve me and how to turn them around.  I’ve learned to call out the lies that I hear in my head for what they are and replace them with truth.  I’ve learned how to stop living life as a victim.

But I’ve also been fighting fear and wanting to shrink back.  As soon as I started to put it out there that I’m working on an ebook, opposition and chatter started in my mind.  I started hearing that I shouldn’t be writing a book on finally falling off the weight wagon for good.  I don’t look the part.  I’m still overweight.  I’m still figuring out what works for my body.

My thoughts too often go to, “You are being bold about this, but people are not going to want what you have because you clearly haven’t figured it out.  You wouldn’t be overweight if you were equipped to coach those to a better lifestyle around diet and exercise”.

I have thankfully been able to keep pulling myself back from these defeating thoughts, but it’s a constant struggle.  It makes me want to pull back and hide in my corner.  Quietly give advice when it’s asked for, but not put myself out there.

It’s my M.O.

Get excited about something…..start to get out there…..get scared……back down.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

Not this time.

I have invested HOURS and HOURS of training and research.  I have gotten certified in exercise nutrition. I have gotten certified as a Revelation Wellness instructor, which teaches faith then fitness ( it’s about so much more than food).  I’ve read book after book that taught me about mindset and mental blocks and scientific ways that your mind affects your body, and other issues that may keep you from progressing into your best life.  I’ve learned several different ways of eating and exercising and why they are good for this person but not for that person. Everyone is so different.  Needs are different. Mindsets are different. Goals are different.

It takes TIME for you to have a lasting change.

I’m impatient. I want to grab on to something and change it right.now.

I heard a talk today about planting a seed, then continually digging it up and replanting it somewhere else because you think the soil is better somewhere else.  You never give the seed a chance to grow and bloom.  You just keep starting over and starting over and starting over because you aren’t patient enough to facilitate real, lasting change.

It’s ok that I’m not at my goal weight.  I have to be ok that people that I know in real life will read this and see me and wonder how I am a nutrition coach when I’m not rocking 6pk abs. I have to push on and be brave and bold.

I know that there are people out there that are looking for what I have to offer.  I know people are sick of diets, sick of starting over, sick of being the same year after year. I also know that most people will not sacrifice what it takes to be a swimsuit model and that they need a coach.  They need a hand to hold that cheers them on and pushes them to keep going when they are finding what works for them.  What way of eating. What exercise. What sacrifices are worth it and what ones aren’t.

I have been on the diet wagon for far too long.  As someone who hates rules and hates to be told what to do, I find it hard to stick to a “cookie cutter diet”.  Does every way of eating work for someone? Yep. Will it work for you? Maybe.  Question is, are you willing to commit to the trade-off?  Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t…..but where do you go from there?

Maybe you don’t want or don’t have time to research all the things that contribute to your best life…..best weight, body composition, exercise, way of eating, mindset.

Lucky for you, this is my jam.  I am absolutely going to keep learning and growing and changing.  I am going to find a way that I can serve anyone who I am blessed enough to help.  I am going to keep putting myself out there and I am going to keep sharing my journey.

Someday, you will see me at my goal weight but until then, you will see my ups and downs.  My trials and my re-dos. My good days and my bad days.  I’m not starting over on Monday, I’m finding what will be sustainable for my body.  I want to be crazy active. I want to travel and have adventures. I want to be able to live my life and not be held back by bad health.  I want good mental health and bouncing from system to system does NOT give me good mental health.  It leaves me frustrated and wanting to just throw in the towel. I’m not doing that anymore.

So, I challenge you, if you are tired of hiding in the shadows, step into the light.  If you can serve (we all have gifts), serve.  It doesn’t matter if you haven’t arrived yet…..none of us have.  Even if something is working for you right now, chances are it won’t in a year or two…..we need different things at different times in our lives. Life ebbs and flows. Be pliable. Move with life. Share where you are right now….even if you don’t look the part. Even if you are still learning. Even if it makes you have diarrhea. Even if your voice shakes, share your truth.  It will help you attract your tribe.

I am finding food and exercise freedom.  I am loving what I am learning and how my mind affects my body.  I’m loving figuring out what works best for MY body.  I am loving the grace that I’m finding in going slow and seeing what effects my body and how. I don’t want to jump around anymore, I want to treat my body well. I want to practice patience…..my hard place. I want to be disciplined when I need to be and enjoy a little more freedom when my body is calling for that. And I want to share it with the hope of helping others overcome as well.

If you are tired of the yo-yo dieting or if you are finally ready for lasting change, reach out and see if my coaching will be a fit for you.  If you aren’t quite there but you are interested in knowing first when my new ebook is released, message me and I will add you to the list.

It’s time to take back the negative thoughts that plague you.  It’s time to stop the obsession with food. It’s time to stop following the masses and jumping from program to program.  It’s time to find YOU and to be unapologetically YOU.  It’s time to stop hiding in the shadows.  You have a purpose and a place in this world and you have gifts to share.  Join me to get healthy and whole so that you, too, can live out your gifts.

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Since becoming a widow, I see things differently.  I see the world with fresh eyes.  Eyes that are more focused on living and not wasting life; more than they ever were before loss.

I used to tend towards laziness and comfortable misery.  I did just enough to get by.  Just enough to not be uncomfortable. I had a fairly comfortable, easy life and I just let the days pass me by.  I was not always happy with life or with my circumstances, but I was unwilling to change them.  Unwilling to do the hard work to see progress. I had little to no consistency in any kind of change. I still struggle in this area, but my mind is in such a different place when it comes to complacency.

I’m over it.  I’m so tired of the excuses.  I’m so tired of playing the bad luck card.  I’m so tired of being a victim of my own circumstance. Did I say I’m tired of the excuses???!!!

I have been reading a ton of books and articles that explain how our thoughts actually change our bodies at a cellular level.  It’s fascinating how your thoughts shape the pathways in your brain, how they change our chemicals, and how they can impact our physical health….for good AND bad.

I actually had an ah-ha moment in a store about a year ago that started to change this for me. I had just started my business and found myself sort of dragging my feet in being consistent in building it.  In that store was a duffle bag that I wanted.  It was $40.  It was also $40 that I didn’t really have to spend.  If you don’t know, we spend a lot of time traveling about 4 hours back and forth to our camper starting in the spring until late fall each year.  We pack and unpack many many times.  I despise packing us into many smaller bags and this bag would’ve helped with that.

As I stood there admiring this bag and wishing I could buy it, it hit me.

You have all the tools at your fingertips to be able to afford this bag.  YOU are the reason that you can’t buy it.  YOU are the inconsistent one. YOU are the one that doesn’t follow through on anything. YOU are the one that finds excuse after excuse. YOU are the one that plays the poor me, victim card. YOU are the one that whines about everything yet you have opportunity sitting right in front of you that you aren’t capitalizing on.  WHY??!!  No more excuses.  YOU don’t have the money for this because YOU are sabatoging yourself. NO MORE.  STOP WHINING IF YOU AREN’T WILLING TO DO THE WORK.  STOP LOOKING FOR THE EASY WAY OUT. STOP LOOKING TO BENEFIT OFF OF SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK. EITHER YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH TO WORK FOR IT, OR YOU DON’T.  IT.IS.THAT.SIMPLE. 

Things changed for me that day.  Several times since then, I have caught myself with these poor me thoughts, recognized them for what they were, and adjusted my sails.  Several times I’ve corrected words spoken out loud that luck is crap and you make your own luck.

Now.  I absolutely believe that if you aren’t in alignment with what God has called you to do, that your mission will flop.  I fully believe that you need to be within God’s will for your life for it to be blessed. But I don’t believe that you have bad luck just because the “universe” is mad at you, therefore, your life will suck because of your curse of bad luck.

This change in thinking has reached into every area of my life.

When I want to help someone financially and can’t, I don’t whine about “wishing I could”, it motivates me to work harder and be more consistent.

When I can’t zip my pants or a shirt is too tight, I remind myself that getting healthy is a process and as long as I stay the course, I will see progress.  It also helps me when I want to be lazy and/or fall totally off the healthy eating wagon because I have no room for whining when I’m filling my face with doughnuts.

Either I want to change my life, or I don’t.  You can’t change your life without discomfort or sacrifice.  Plain and simple. If I continue on the path I’ve been on my entire life, I will continue to live what I’ve lived my entire life.

I’m not saying my life up until now has been bad, because it hasn’t.  But I have wasted too much of it. I shared this post on Facebook yesterday and totally resonated with the whole thing.

Death woke me.

Before he died, I was asleep.

I walked around each day, going through the motions, doing what society told me I was supposed to do and taking care of everything and everyone but myself………………………………..

…………When he died, so did my old life and in so many ways, so did I. His death woke the new me. 
The gift he gave me wasn’t in his death, it was in his life and how he lived it. He was AWAKE always, even when I had fallen asleep. He lived in each moment, he laughed at it all, he never stressed because he knew it wasn’t worth it.

He lived, and because he lived so beautifully, I learned to live after his death. I often thought he was not driven enough….turns out he was just evolved. Maybe he knew on some deep unconscious level that his life would be short so he never wasted a second of that life. It doesn’t matter what he knew and what he didn’t, what matters is how it impacted me and that I woke up enough to evolve too.

People die every single day, and while that fact is genuinely tragic, their lives and their lessons can wake us up and remind us why we are still here. 
I can’t bring his light back to the world, but I can stay awake long enough to warm the corners of my world with the lessons he taught me.

That was shared by One Fit Widow‘s Michelle Baumgard.  Her husband died in a plane crash years ago. I so resonate with what she wrote.

I didn’t realize it at first, but loss taught me to live.  It created discontent in me that I didn’t realize until recently. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling chaotic, but I have since realized that it’s because I’m just letting my life pass me by.  I’m a spectator in my own life.

I told my husband the other day that I don’t want to wait until retirement to live.  I don’t want to wait to travel, to spend time with my kids when and where I want to, to structure my life the way I want it.

I don’t want to hope that I make it to retirement age.  What if I don’t?  One thing loss taught me is that life is short.  What if I lose my health?  What if I’m not able to do all the things that I dream of later in life for whatever reason? I don’t want to gamble on living my life for retirement.  I want to do it NOW.  I don’t want to waste a day.

Because of this realization, I now control my thoughts.  I take negative thoughts and turn them around. I set deadlines and goals and I push to reach them because if I don’t, things will never change.

Wasting life isn’t an option anymore.  I want to live. I want to give. I want others to come along with me.

No, life isn’t always going to be happy and free of conflict, but you can make a choice to be happy in any circumstance.

I am a member of several widow’s groups and the trend I see in there is that people are actually planning to be miserable.

“My spouse’s death anniversary is coming up, I just know that I’ll be a mess and unable to function that day.  What should I do?”

This may sound harsh….but #sorrynotsorry…..STOP PLANNING TO BE IN MISERY!  YOU ARE SPEAKING IT INTO EXISTENCE!

Our words carry incredible power. Our thoughts and our spoken words actually change our physical makeup.

Do you want your life to continue to be “unlucky”?  Do you want to be stuck in chronic illness?  Do you want to be miserable for your entire life?  If so, keep speaking crap over yourself! Keep holding a personal pity party for yourself.  Keep telling yourself and anyone who will listen how unfair life is!  That is a sure fire way to live a crappy, unfulfilling life.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF???!!!

Listen, I get it.  I’m getting fired up just writing this……probably should’ve just done a video (haha).  This was me!  I’ve been where you are!  But you have got to stop this way of thinking!  You are the ONLY one that can CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

1. Make a decision that enough is enough.  Change starts TODAY!  Stop putting it off.
2. Start out small.  Start by capturing every.single.thought.  If it’s negative, reframe it.  Turn it around.
3. Move your body. Start with a walk, get outside, do something.  It’s incredible what happens when you move your body.
4. Take one step towards your “perfect life”.  If it’s a new job, start sending out resumes. If it’s working for yourself, do 1 thing that moves you in that direction. If it’s being able to help others, search out a way to do that. If you want to participate in your kids’ activities, eat an apple instead of a cookie, take the stairs instead of the elevator.

You are not a victim. You can change your life.

I’ve rambled long enough, so I’m going to be done, I just had to get this out of me……I see it too much (maybe I need a social media break….lol).

You are capable, you are able, you are enough. Let’s do this!

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One day I was at a friend’s house and she was wanting a snack.  She went to the kitchen and grabbed a small snack sized bag of chips.  As she opened them on her way back to the living room, one of her kids asked for one.

I watched as she put one in her mouth then handed on to the child.  That action, of course, caught the attention of the rest of the kids in the room.  They were like a pack of hyenas that just caught a glimpse of a downed animal.  They all now wanted a chip.  As she put one in her mouth then handed each child a chip, I watched in amazement.

One chip for her, one for each child (there were probably 3-4 kids begging for a chip).  Then she put one more in her mouth and handed the bag to one of the children to share with the rest.

All of this out of a SNACK-SIZE bag.  My mind was blown.

I griped in my mind for her, “No, get your own bag.  These are mine.  There are only 7 chips in here to begin with, I’m not sharing.”

And it was in that moment that I realized that I had an issue.

She had a craving and with 2 bites, it was gone.  She had absolutely no issue with sharing.  It didn’t even occur to her to be upset over a tiny bag of chips.  She never had any intention of eating the whole bag anyway.

I’ve had several instances like this over the years.  Many times that I noted how others reacted to food.

When I read Waist Away: The Chanel Ray Way, it started making sense. She gives the rules for “eating like a naturally thin” person and the light bulb came on.  This is one of the “rules”.

Naturally thin people very seldom eat their whole meal or snack.  They start eating when they are hungry, they stop when they aren’t.  Notice I didn’t say that they stop when they are full.  They stop when they are satisfied.

There is no emotional attachment to the food. 

At that moment in time, 2 chips satisfied her craving for a chip (or something salty or crunchy, I’m not sure what she was craving haha).

She knew that at any time she could go and get more chips if she wanted, but she wasn’t obsessed with it.

I don’t have any idea where it came from, but for some reason, I have a scarcity mindset regarding food.  I’ve NEVER gone hungry.  I’ve never been truly hungry to the point that it affected my body.  I have never had to fight for food.

It’s like I haven’t lived my entire life with continual access to food.  It’s like I am terrified to be hungry.

Why?

Honestly, I have no idea.  I really don’t know when it started or why.  I knew that something was going on in that chip situation (there have been many, many more since then), but I didn’t know what.  I didn’t realize how crazy addicted to food I was.

The last few months, I’ve been dabbling in different ways of eating to find the best combination of what works with MY body. One of the things I have been experimenting with is intermittent fasting.

The very 1st day I started IF, I called my sister and told her that I had a new appreciation for people that battle addiction.  I seriously felt like I was addicted to food.  The fact that I couldn’t have it made me want it more. It was all I was could think about.  I honestly didn’t know how long I’d dabble in IF.  It seriously felt like torture to me.  Dramatic, I know.

That was a serious wake-up call for me.  There is, and never has been, a reason for me to be scared of not having enough food. I live in one of the riches countries in the world.  For the most part, our food is safe.  I can have as much as I want. I have been blessed enough to be able to pretty much buy whatever I want to eat. There is absolutely no reason for me to eat every time I *think* I want something or *think* that I’m hungry.

That led to a major mindset shift.

I no longer eat because it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner time. I eat when my stomach growls.

I no longer don’t eat a certain food because it is “bad”.  I can take a few bites and move on, or decide that at that time, I really don’t need to feed the craving and re-direct my focus to something else.

I no longer eat out of boredom…..you know that no healthy eating comes out of boredom lol

These are a few of the things that have changed as I find my very best way of eating.  I’m not that girl anymore who can’t figure out how you could possibly share your dessert.  It’s just not that big of a deal.  If it really came down to it, you could get another dessert……it’s not that serious.

Food is fuel, nothing else.

I realize that food can be a big part of a culture or can be very social but that is a whole different post.  The baseline of food as fuel still applies, even then.

Did my chip story spark anything in you?

Would you be flabbergasted and irritated if someone shared something so yummy or are you someone that doesn’t really care about food outside of fuel and you’d definitely share if someone asked (without being secretly mad about it)?

Have you ever considered being addicted to food?  How does that notion make you feel?

I’d love to continue the discussion about this in the comments!  Feel free to message me as well if you have questions that are too personal.

If you liked this post, you may be interested in my *NEW EBOOK* coming soon!  Contact me to be put on the waiting list so that you will be among the 1st notified when it is released!

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I posted this verse on my Facebook last night.

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.  ~ Romans 5:5-6 The Message

I just finished up my long sought after nutrition training.  I am a certified Revelation Wellness instructor.  I am a forever student of how our mind sabotages our efforts to get, and stay, lean and healthy.  I am so excited to begin coaching others to lasting, sustainable weight loss.  I almost hyperventilate when people reach out and ask me things relating to mindset or small eating tweaks that help change your life for the better.  I genuinely love this place I’ve been called to.  It’s been years of work and major self-discovery, but I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere.  I finally feel that I’m in a good place to help others.

Until I get on social media.

I recently started a course that will teach me how to compile my 1st ebook.  I’m beside myself excited about it, but instead of just getting started on it, I started comparing myself to those farther along than me on social media.

It started out innocently enough.  Just following this person that had good content, which led to following this person….also with good content….so on and so forth until I felt like I was drowning.

Should I really be doing this?  Do people really want weight loss tips from someone who hasn’t lost the weight yet?  If I state something that I feel is true, can I stand my ground or ignore it when people disagree?  Can I be confident enough that I truly feel that I’m sharing truth when others question me?  Would I hire an overweight weight loss coach???

Then I see statements like this, “you only have to be one step ahead of someone else to help them.”  Or, “people will connect with your struggles and your journey, don’t wait to share.”  I am encouraged by these statements, but it’s such a back and forth.

Then I saw the above verse in a book last night.

let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.

I fully believe with everything that I am that my food, weight, and mindset struggles are moving me on toward my purpose.  I truly believe that by my sharing MY journey, others will be encouraged.  I have “tried” so many things that really weren’t my purpose.  I fully believe that is why I’ve struggled with who I am and what I should be doing so much.

I know that this is over preached, but comparison really will keep you stuck.  It will keep you stuck in your health journey (so many diets and/or ways to eat), in your relationships (so many different ways for marriage to work and to parent your children), and in your job (so many ways to make an income).

My husband likes to tease me that I like to buck the system.  If someone gives me rules, I’m going to break them.  He’s probably correct.  I do tend to rebel, however, I feel that I’m doing it because my gut tells me to.  Sometimes I wonder if I am still building a business from nothing and still overweight because I can’t seem to follow a “system”, but if I’m really being true to myself, I just need to do what my gut tells me to do.

I feel that I’ve been so held back in truly living my best life because instead of trusting what I believe God is telling me, I doubt that I really heard Him correctly and try to look for “signs” that I should be following this or that.

I’m honestly done with that.  I’m starting to find that I can see information and decide if it’s for me or not.  I’m developing a filter that stops incoming information and asks, “is this beneficial to you or will it just confuse you?”

I have been feeling a tremendous pressure of “you aren’t good enough to do this”, but I also recognize that as the enemy trying to derail me (thank you, Revelation Wellness).  Whenever there is to be big breakthrough to further God’s kingdom, you can bet that the opposition will come.  I’m so thankful to be able to recognize this and to be able to push through it.

It’s time for me to do me.  And I will cheer you on for you doing you.  Sometimes you will feel led to follow a “proven course” and that is totally ok, but sometimes you will be asked to brave the wilderness and that is ok as well.

No one can do what you were put here to do.  Even those in the same situation don’t have your unique story.

So, with all that being said, I will be sharing my journey and helping those along the way that need help as well.  I will share what I’m learning.  If that is for you, great.  If not, that’s great too! I’m done running down all the paths that present themselves to me.  I know that sometimes there is more than one way to a destination and I am going to pick around the maze until I find the best one for ME.

I would encourage you to do the same.  Stop chasing shiny objects or the next best thing.  Slow down, pray about it, decide what feels like you, then take that path. Blinders on!

 

Sidenote:

I am currently working on my very first ebook….(eeeeeekkkkkkk ;)) that will deal with falling off the diet train for good.  If you are interested in being notified when it’s ready for sale, send me a message and I’ll add you to the list!

 

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I don’t write about this much, but today will be the exception because I feel that I need to get this out there.

Today is the 6th anniversary of my husband’s very unexpected, very sudden passing.  While I still miss him daily, I am finally getting back to being in a pretty good place.  Happy. Content.

Out of all days, yesterday my oldest was home early from school and decided to watch one of her favorite movies…..Christmas Shoes.  If you haven’t seen it, here’s the short version…..the mom is dying and the little boy is anxious to get her a pair of shoes so that she looks beautiful when she meets Jesus.  Anyway, there are some heart-wrenching scenes in the movie.

Her little boy asking her not to go.

Her husband sitting by his very sick and near death wife and her asking him to dance with her.

It put me right back.

I didn’t have any heads up that my husband would die.  I didn’t get to say any final things.  I didn’t get to hear any of his last wishes for his family.

Knowing what comes after the death of a spouse/parent, I started to wonder what it would be like to sit at the side of your loved one knowing that their time was near.  I started to wonder what we’d have said, what we’d have done.  Would we have made videos, written letters, talked about what we should do going on from there?

I don’t know because I didn’t have that chance.  Part of me is glad.  Part of me feels robbed.

What I do want to say is this……..we are all dying.  We may not know that it is imminent, but we are all terminal.

When you are in this situation, or when someone close to you dies, it changes things.  It puts things into perspective. All too often, though, it’s a temporary change.

You get back to normal life and get back into rhythms and the craziness of life and we forget that our days are limited.  Fleeting. So short.

I am in quite a few different widow/widower groups on social media.  The other day one of the men in one of the groups posted a video of him and his late wife dancing in the kitchen.  They knew that she was going to die.  They chose to record memories for those left behind.

The video opens up with her turning on the music and motioning for him to join her.  It was about 7 minutes long.  I maybe watched 2.  I just couldn’t do it.  But how amazing is that for him to have?

I guarantee when he watches it that he can feel her head on his chest, his head on the top of her head, her arm around him, their hands clasped together.  He can smell her, hear her laugh, feel her heart beat against him.

What a gift.

I am absolutely a proponent of recording memories.  Taking pictures and video, but don’t forget to be present in the moment.

Don’t get so caught up in documenting everything that you forget to just be present.  They took the time to set up the camera, but they also forgot about it being there and just soaked each other in.

This fast-paced world that we live in is making us forget that our lives are so fragile.  I am absolutely not saying to walk around in bubble wrap and fear of what your next step could bring, but I am saying to remember that you only have right now.

My husband and I spent a ridiculous amount of time together.  Most of his adult life, he was an ironworker so his work was sporadic.  We heard many comments when he was off that he should be working, but we absolutely loved it when he was off.  We were pretty much dirt poor…..but we were so happy.  We spent money we didn’t have, we made decisions that no one agreed with, we did things that some didn’t understand……but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Stop putting things off.  Stop fighting about little things.  Stop fighting to be right.  Give more than you get.  Go the extra mile even though they may not do it for you.  Take the trip.  Take the time to watch nature.

If I would’ve had advanced notice of my husband’s passing, I’m sure I’d have a lot more things to physically hold but I didn’t have that.  You don’t know if you will either.  Plan accordingly.  Have enough documented to look back on but be present enough to have enough memories burned in your soul that even if that’s all you have, it makes you smile.

I miss him something fierce, but I can almost come up with a memory for everything that happens to us now.  Something that we did, something he said, dumb things he made the kids do, special “just between us” laughs.

I know that everyone says that we don’t know what tomorrow holds.  It’s sort of become cliche.  But when tomorrow turns your life upside down, you remember all the times that people told you that.

As I look back and honor what was, watch movies that make me live loss all over again, and watch beautiful videos that preserve a love for a lifetime I am put right back to that day.

If they didn’t come home tomorrow would the thing you are mad about or frustrated over matter?  If you knew that they only had limited time left, would you let things go?

We all have limited time left.  My challenge to you is to live this daily because you truly do not know what the next phone call or knock on the door could bring.

I am eternally grateful for all the time we “wasted”.  All the time spent glued at the hip.  All the money we didn’t make.  All the money we spent that we couldn’t afford.  All the doubts of us being together at 15 and 17, married at 18 and 20.  Babies at 19, 21, 26, and 28.  Being best friends and “missing out” on boy’s nights and girl’s weekends.  I am grateful for it all and would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

In fact, I am doing it again.  I was blessed with another amazing husband.  We are besties.  We do pretty much everything together.  I do his activities, he supports my crazy ideas.  We create intentional downtime.  We have tons of family time but are very careful to have at least as much couple time.

We carve out little moments to just chat.  Short runs to the store or to pick something (or someone) up.  We strive to not argue about little things (maybe a little spat, but we don’t drag out things that won’t matter in a week).

We don’t have it perfect, but we try.  We are intentional.  We know that life changes in an instant and that we need to make the most of the boring, everyday things.

Take a little time to think about what you would regret if tomorrow didn’t come for someone that you love.  Fix it before it’s too late.

We are all terminal and we don’t know when our last heartbeat will be…….make this moment count.

 

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This post may just be outing myself, but I’m totally ok with being real.

Just curious…..do you ever tell someone that you are crazy busy just to justify why you haven’t met up with someone, or why you haven’t accomplished something, or just simply to get out of being asked to do something?

I just wonder if “crazy busy” is really very real and prevalent or if it’s an easy excuse when you don’t have anything else to say    If you are brave…..share your thoughts with me!!! 

I posed this question yesterday on my Facebook page and got many responses where people shared a little of their story and they really are busy. (this isn’t necessarily a post for those people 😉 )

Here’s my story.  There are times when we are truly busy running from one thing to the next, but it’s honestly not anything that couldn’t be changed if need be, and it’s normally only nights here and there.

I totally understand if you are a single parent, you work full time (or more), or if you have multiple kids in multiple activities.  I’ve been there.  I get the craziness.  This isn’t really questioning you.  It’s more of outing my own talk and way of presenting myself and wondering if I’m a weirdo or if we really do this to ourselves.

I wrote a post in November 2012 that was called Lazy or Living the Dream.  I have honestly always been that person.  Except when I was working full time, I’ve never really been that busy.  Even when I was working full time, I was completely ok with letting some things go, so I never felt like I just couldn’t keep my head above water.

I have been accused by employers of being efficient, so maybe I’m that way at home too.  I don’t know, I just know that when I say I’m busy……it’s not usually the case.

Now, my house isn’t spotless by any means.  It is clean, but not spotless.  My kids aren’t involved in a million things. I do work from home, but it can be done in little bits of time or one larger (but still pretty small) chunk of time.  I make my kids do chores.  They do their own laundry.  I menu plan. When my back isn’t messed up, I like to work out about 5 days a week.

I honestly have quite a bit of time during the day and I think I almost feel guilty about it, like I should constantly be doing something.  But I tend to answer that we’ve been busy when people ask me how things are going.  Why?  To make myself feel better about having a life that’s not consumed by busyness?

Maybe it’s because I just don’t like to be tied down that we aren’t over committed.  Maybe it’s because I like to be spontaneous.  Maybe it’s because I like to be available to my family at a moments notice.

I don’t know why I’m not busy.  Like I said, I now work from home, but even when I was full time, I didn’t feel busy.  Is busy a choice?  Do we let ourselves fall into that trap because it’s the catchphrase right now?  Because we somehow feel that we need (and our kids need) to be involved in everything under the sun to somehow get ahead?  Do we feel that if we have any downtime we are lazy?  What will people think?  Why do we feel that our kids need to go to school all day and then be in organized activity all night, until they shove a quick dinner in their mouth and collapse into their beds only to do it all over again tomorrow?

I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just lucky.  Maybe I just figured it out by accident.  But then why do I tell people that I’m busy?  Just to fit in?  Just to relate?  So they don’t feel bad that they have no breathing room and I do?

I seem to have this question pop up in my head every time I give someone that knee-jerk reaction answer that I’ve been busy…..because I don’t know why I say it.

If you are truly that crazy busy, why?  Are you unrealistic about what you can accomplish?  Are you people pleasing, trying to do the right thing?  Do you just take on too much because you can’t say no?

Don’t send me hate mail, I’m not calling anyone out or saying that you aren’t busy……..I know that some of you really are, by no choice of your own.  I’m just wondering if I’m the only one that almost feels guilty that I’m not, so I hurriedly state that I am, so that you don’t wonder why I’m not involved or something.

The truth is……I am not busy.  I do the things that I need to do.  I get done the things that I need to get done. And I have a lot of downtime……by choice.  We are able to be spontaneous as a family.  I am able to run an errand for my husband or kids when they need me.  I can meet with a friend when it works for them, because I purposely keep it that way.

Should I be giving more of my time?  Maybe, maybe not.  But the more I think about it, the more I like to be basically unscheduled.  I guess I just need to own it and do me.  Maybe it will inspire someone else to take time to enjoy life or not jump into every little thing because they feel that they have to.

Do you ever tell someone something because you feel the need to justify yourself?

Is this just a mental thing for me because I feel less than if I can’t proclaim busyness?

Are you truly busy or are you just carrying that around like a badge of honor, because it’s expected?

If you are truly busy and don’t hate me already…..is there anything you can let go or delegate so that you truly have time to enjoy your life?

Don’t forget to like and share this, I’d love to get some discussion going.  It may just prove that I’m a weirdo….but that’s ok, I can handle it 😉

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.

As I watched all the celebrations, gifts, and group pictures flood my newsfeed, I became increasingly irritated.

Then, last night one of my friends posted this:

I love my children. 
This Mothers Day flat out sucked.
It’s ok to cry. 

And finally, I had a sigh of relief.  Yes and amen.  Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it sucked.

My children woke up in a mood.

One of them went through her usual 800 outfits for church, none of which I approved of, which caused her disrespect and attitude to rear it’s ugly head.  She’d ask my opinion, I’d tell her, she’d get mad and stomp off back to her bedroom.  Vicious cycle.  Also causing her to initiate problems with her sisters because now she’s mad at the world.

Then, as we are getting ready to leave, I squash them taking small bags of chips in the car to eat for breakfast.  Um no.  No chips for breakfast.  Also, no chips to get smashed into my carpet and bags of crumbs to be dumped out and left in the garbage bags on the back of my car seats (also known as pockets for those that don’t have children).

I mean, we don’t go to church every Sunday so they didn’t know that we leave at a certain time and that breakfast needed to be eaten before then.  Because we never go through this scenario on the way out the door every.Sunday.

*insert eyeroll and LOTS of sarcasm*

Then came the 20-minute ride to church.  One was still fired up about the wardrobe and the lack of a chip breakfast and one was mad because there were only 3 of them that went so she couldn’t “call the backseat” with another because they all three sat in the middle seat.  And because one of them will not be with us next weekend, she won’t be able to sit there with her next weekend either……so for 2 whole weeks, she can’t “call the back”.  Insert meltdown.

Two children in two bad moods sitting next to each other in the car can only mean 1 thing.  Cue FIGHTING.

By the time we got to church, they were both banished to their rooms for the rest of the day.  No electronics, no books, no pens/paper, nothing…….just sit.

I should’ve known at that point to stay off social media, but no, I’m a sucker for punishment.

Flowers, extravagant gifts, dinners out, smiling children, husbands praising their wives……….all.of.it.

And I was getting more and more irritated with it, but it was like a train wreck, you just keep looking.

I was determined to not let it affect my mood, but it’s so hard.  It’s so hard to not wish things were different.  Can’t I just have one day that my kids don’t act like kids?

But then that post.  I had considered posting something like it myself, but she beat me to it.

Sure, there are posts that give the warm fuzzies to those that struggle to have children, those that are aunts only, those that have fur-babies, those who choose to be childless………but what about the ones that their kids choose to be jerks.  Those that didn’t get the memo that Mother’s Day is supposed to be all rainbows and butterflies?

Breakfast in bed with flowers? Expensive thank you gifts? Handmade cards telling you how amazing you are, even when they act like jerks?

I know that you are out there.

I know that there are others like me that just wanted yesterday to be over.

I love my girls more than life itself, but yesterday was hard.  And that’s ok.

It’s hard to not compare.  But because I didn’t say anything, I KNOW that there are others who didn’t either.  I KNOW that there are others that posted sweet pics when 5 minutes before, their kids were fighting.  I know that 5 minutes after the pic, the toddler threw an embarrassing tantrum on the sidewalk at church or in the grocery store.

I know that seeing the perfect pics were hard on some of you because your kids were on punishment yesterday and you just wanted to go have a quiet day ALONE……but you feel guilty.  Shouldn’t you want to spend the day with those that gave you the title of Mother?

I love being a mom but yesterday my kids acted like jerks and it’s ok that I wanted to be alone.  It’s ok that I didn’t post on social media because I was mad at them.

Saturday, I posted lots of pics of my kids being silly.  We had a blast at a baseball game.  They didn’t fight.  They weren’t sassy. They didn’t complain.  We just had fun.  We spent too much money and we enjoyed ourselves.

I will consider Saturday my Mother’s Day because my family was together and enjoying life together.

Who cares about Hallmark and their made up holidays anyway?  I don’t need them to tell me that I’m doing a good job as a mom……I am.  And so are you.

I love my children.
This Mothers Day flat out sucked.
It’s ok to cry.

How was your Mother’s Day?

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How many things do we not pursue because we don’t feel like we know enough when education is the very thing we are pursuing?

You are probably wondering what the heck I’m talking about…..let me explain……

I read somewhere about someone that didn’t want to take a certain class because they didn’t know anything about the subject.  I mean, isn’t learning about something the very reason that you take the class?  Who made knowledge of something a pre-requisite to taking a class?  No one that I know of!

As I’ve been sharing about lately, I’m really getting into living toxin free, cleaning up my diet, using holistic remedies, and getting my body back in shape.  There are so many times that I see education that I would like to do but I feel that I don’t know enough to do it.  Since when do we need to be able to teach the class to be able to take it?  That thinking defeats the entire point of taking the class in the first place!!

There is a saying that says “An expert at anything was once a beginner” (or something along those lines).  We all start somewhere.  We don’t need to know what we are doing to start or continue learning. That is why it’s called learning.

I just wonder how many times we hold back what we do know because we feel that it’s not enough but are too nervous to learn more.  Too nervous to put ourselves out there without all of our credentials?

Les Brown says that if you are the smartest person in the room, you need to find a new room.

Learning should be lifelong.  And we shouldn’t not do something because we are a beginner and feel inferior to those with more expertise and background.  They, too, had to start from the beginning.

Are there things that you aren’t doing because you don’t feel like you know enough?

Maybe you aren’t speaking up about healthy eating because you are new on your journey.  Maybe you don’t want to enroll in a computer class because you don’t even know how to turn your computer on.  Maybe you don’t want to ask a question on a forum because you feel that you will be judged if you ask a question deemed “dumb” by those more experienced than you.  Maybe you feel that you can’t start a new life path because “you’ve never done anything like this before”, even though you are passionate about it.

We need to stop this holding ourselves back because we think we need to be knowledgeable in every area before we start anything new.  Learning comes from doing.  Learning comes from immersing ourselves in something and asking (even seemingly dumb) questions.

It’s funny because if you dive in and learn what you are searching for, all of a sudden, you have something new that you need to learn to compliment what you learned in the first place.  Even highly successful people need to keep learning.  In fact, successful people will tell you that they never stop learning! They are always doing self-development and searching for new ways to do things.

If you are the smartest person in the room, find a new room

Don’t let being a beginner hold you back.  Plow boldly into education then apply it.  Ask questions.  Blow off anyone that is rude or that feels that your question is too easy; just remember they started somewhere too.  Once you find yourself in a good place, look for those just starting out to help.  Show them grace and compassion and help them move up the knowledge scale.

Learn. Apply. Give back. Repeat.

Stop being afraid to step out.  The greatest growth happens in the scary places.  Get uncomfortable.  Do something you’ve never done.  Remember that if you want something that you’ve never had, you have to do something that you’ve never done.

Have you ever found yourself in that place that you won’t step out to learn something because you don’t know enough yet?  Doesn’t that sound ridiculous when put in writing?  “I can’t learn that because I don’t know it yet”

Stay true to yourself, push past your comfort zone and change your world!

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