Seeking Contentment | Faith | Fitness | Nutrition | Mindset | Family

Since becoming a widow, I see things differently.  I see the world with fresh eyes.  Eyes that are more focused on living and not wasting life; more than they ever were before loss.

I used to tend towards laziness and comfortable misery.  I did just enough to get by.  Just enough to not be uncomfortable. I had a fairly comfortable, easy life and I just let the days pass me by.  I was not always happy with life or with my circumstances, but I was unwilling to change them.  Unwilling to do the hard work to see progress. I had little to no consistency in any kind of change. I still struggle in this area, but my mind is in such a different place when it comes to complacency.

I’m over it.  I’m so tired of the excuses.  I’m so tired of playing the bad luck card.  I’m so tired of being a victim of my own circumstance. Did I say I’m tired of the excuses???!!!

I have been reading a ton of books and articles that explain how our thoughts actually change our bodies at a cellular level.  It’s fascinating how your thoughts shape the pathways in your brain, how they change our chemicals, and how they can impact our physical health….for good AND bad.

I actually had an ah-ha moment in a store about a year ago that started to change this for me. I had just started my business and found myself sort of dragging my feet in being consistent in building it.  In that store was a duffle bag that I wanted.  It was $40.  It was also $40 that I didn’t really have to spend.  If you don’t know, we spend a lot of time traveling about 4 hours back and forth to our camper starting in the spring until late fall each year.  We pack and unpack many many times.  I despise packing us into many smaller bags and this bag would’ve helped with that.

As I stood there admiring this bag and wishing I could buy it, it hit me.

You have all the tools at your fingertips to be able to afford this bag.  YOU are the reason that you can’t buy it.  YOU are the inconsistent one. YOU are the one that doesn’t follow through on anything. YOU are the one that finds excuse after excuse. YOU are the one that plays the poor me, victim card. YOU are the one that whines about everything yet you have opportunity sitting right in front of you that you aren’t capitalizing on.  WHY??!!  No more excuses.  YOU don’t have the money for this because YOU are sabatoging yourself. NO MORE.  STOP WHINING IF YOU AREN’T WILLING TO DO THE WORK.  STOP LOOKING FOR THE EASY WAY OUT. STOP LOOKING TO BENEFIT OFF OF SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK. EITHER YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH TO WORK FOR IT, OR YOU DON’T.  IT.IS.THAT.SIMPLE. 

Things changed for me that day.  Several times since then, I have caught myself with these poor me thoughts, recognized them for what they were, and adjusted my sails.  Several times I’ve corrected words spoken out loud that luck is crap and you make your own luck.

Now.  I absolutely believe that if you aren’t in alignment with what God has called you to do, that your mission will flop.  I fully believe that you need to be within God’s will for your life for it to be blessed. But I don’t believe that you have bad luck just because the “universe” is mad at you, therefore, your life will suck because of your curse of bad luck.

This change in thinking has reached into every area of my life.

When I want to help someone financially and can’t, I don’t whine about “wishing I could”, it motivates me to work harder and be more consistent.

When I can’t zip my pants or a shirt is too tight, I remind myself that getting healthy is a process and as long as I stay the course, I will see progress.  It also helps me when I want to be lazy and/or fall totally off the healthy eating wagon because I have no room for whining when I’m filling my face with doughnuts.

Either I want to change my life, or I don’t.  You can’t change your life without discomfort or sacrifice.  Plain and simple. If I continue on the path I’ve been on my entire life, I will continue to live what I’ve lived my entire life.

I’m not saying my life up until now has been bad, because it hasn’t.  But I have wasted too much of it. I shared this post on Facebook yesterday and totally resonated with the whole thing.

Death woke me.

Before he died, I was asleep.

I walked around each day, going through the motions, doing what society told me I was supposed to do and taking care of everything and everyone but myself………………………………..

…………When he died, so did my old life and in so many ways, so did I. His death woke the new me. 
The gift he gave me wasn’t in his death, it was in his life and how he lived it. He was AWAKE always, even when I had fallen asleep. He lived in each moment, he laughed at it all, he never stressed because he knew it wasn’t worth it.

He lived, and because he lived so beautifully, I learned to live after his death. I often thought he was not driven enough….turns out he was just evolved. Maybe he knew on some deep unconscious level that his life would be short so he never wasted a second of that life. It doesn’t matter what he knew and what he didn’t, what matters is how it impacted me and that I woke up enough to evolve too.

People die every single day, and while that fact is genuinely tragic, their lives and their lessons can wake us up and remind us why we are still here. 
I can’t bring his light back to the world, but I can stay awake long enough to warm the corners of my world with the lessons he taught me.

That was shared by One Fit Widow‘s Michelle Baumgard.  Her husband died in a plane crash years ago. I so resonate with what she wrote.

I didn’t realize it at first, but loss taught me to live.  It created discontent in me that I didn’t realize until recently. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling chaotic, but I have since realized that it’s because I’m just letting my life pass me by.  I’m a spectator in my own life.

I told my husband the other day that I don’t want to wait until retirement to live.  I don’t want to wait to travel, to spend time with my kids when and where I want to, to structure my life the way I want it.

I don’t want to hope that I make it to retirement age.  What if I don’t?  One thing loss taught me is that life is short.  What if I lose my health?  What if I’m not able to do all the things that I dream of later in life for whatever reason? I don’t want to gamble on living my life for retirement.  I want to do it NOW.  I don’t want to waste a day.

Because of this realization, I now control my thoughts.  I take negative thoughts and turn them around. I set deadlines and goals and I push to reach them because if I don’t, things will never change.

Wasting life isn’t an option anymore.  I want to live. I want to give. I want others to come along with me.

No, life isn’t always going to be happy and free of conflict, but you can make a choice to be happy in any circumstance.

I am a member of several widow’s groups and the trend I see in there is that people are actually planning to be miserable.

“My spouse’s death anniversary is coming up, I just know that I’ll be a mess and unable to function that day.  What should I do?”

This may sound harsh….but #sorrynotsorry…..STOP PLANNING TO BE IN MISERY!  YOU ARE SPEAKING IT INTO EXISTENCE!

Our words carry incredible power. Our thoughts and our spoken words actually change our physical makeup.

Do you want your life to continue to be “unlucky”?  Do you want to be stuck in chronic illness?  Do you want to be miserable for your entire life?  If so, keep speaking crap over yourself! Keep holding a personal pity party for yourself.  Keep telling yourself and anyone who will listen how unfair life is!  That is a sure fire way to live a crappy, unfulfilling life.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF???!!!

Listen, I get it.  I’m getting fired up just writing this……probably should’ve just done a video (haha).  This was me!  I’ve been where you are!  But you have got to stop this way of thinking!  You are the ONLY one that can CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

1. Make a decision that enough is enough.  Change starts TODAY!  Stop putting it off.
2. Start out small.  Start by capturing every.single.thought.  If it’s negative, reframe it.  Turn it around.
3. Move your body. Start with a walk, get outside, do something.  It’s incredible what happens when you move your body.
4. Take one step towards your “perfect life”.  If it’s a new job, start sending out resumes. If it’s working for yourself, do 1 thing that moves you in that direction. If it’s being able to help others, search out a way to do that. If you want to participate in your kids’ activities, eat an apple instead of a cookie, take the stairs instead of the elevator.

You are not a victim. You can change your life.

I’ve rambled long enough, so I’m going to be done, I just had to get this out of me……I see it too much (maybe I need a social media break….lol).

You are capable, you are able, you are enough. Let’s do this!

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One day I was at a friend’s house and she was wanting a snack.  She went to the kitchen and grabbed a small snack sized bag of chips.  As she opened them on her way back to the living room, one of her kids asked for one.

I watched as she put one in her mouth then handed on to the child.  That action, of course, caught the attention of the rest of the kids in the room.  They were like a pack of hyenas that just caught a glimpse of a downed animal.  They all now wanted a chip.  As she put one in her mouth then handed each child a chip, I watched in amazement.

One chip for her, one for each child (there were probably 3-4 kids begging for a chip).  Then she put one more in her mouth and handed the bag to one of the children to share with the rest.

All of this out of a SNACK-SIZE bag.  My mind was blown.

I griped in my mind for her, “No, get your own bag.  These are mine.  There are only 7 chips in here to begin with, I’m not sharing.”

And it was in that moment that I realized that I had an issue.

She had a craving and with 2 bites, it was gone.  She had absolutely no issue with sharing.  It didn’t even occur to her to be upset over a tiny bag of chips.  She never had any intention of eating the whole bag anyway.

I’ve had several instances like this over the years.  Many times that I noted how others reacted to food.

When I read Waist Away: The Chanel Ray Way, it started making sense. She gives the rules for “eating like a naturally thin” person and the light bulb came on.  This is one of the “rules”.

Naturally thin people very seldom eat their whole meal or snack.  They start eating when they are hungry, they stop when they aren’t.  Notice I didn’t say that they stop when they are full.  They stop when they are satisfied.

There is no emotional attachment to the food. 

At that moment in time, 2 chips satisfied her craving for a chip (or something salty or crunchy, I’m not sure what she was craving haha).

She knew that at any time she could go and get more chips if she wanted, but she wasn’t obsessed with it.

I don’t have any idea where it came from, but for some reason, I have a scarcity mindset regarding food.  I’ve NEVER gone hungry.  I’ve never been truly hungry to the point that it affected my body.  I have never had to fight for food.

It’s like I haven’t lived my entire life with continual access to food.  It’s like I am terrified to be hungry.

Why?

Honestly, I have no idea.  I really don’t know when it started or why.  I knew that something was going on in that chip situation (there have been many, many more since then), but I didn’t know what.  I didn’t realize how crazy addicted to food I was.

The last few months, I’ve been dabbling in different ways of eating to find the best combination of what works with MY body. One of the things I have been experimenting with is intermittent fasting.

The very 1st day I started IF, I called my sister and told her that I had a new appreciation for people that battle addiction.  I seriously felt like I was addicted to food.  The fact that I couldn’t have it made me want it more. It was all I was could think about.  I honestly didn’t know how long I’d dabble in IF.  It seriously felt like torture to me.  Dramatic, I know.

That was a serious wake-up call for me.  There is, and never has been, a reason for me to be scared of not having enough food. I live in one of the riches countries in the world.  For the most part, our food is safe.  I can have as much as I want. I have been blessed enough to be able to pretty much buy whatever I want to eat. There is absolutely no reason for me to eat every time I *think* I want something or *think* that I’m hungry.

That led to a major mindset shift.

I no longer eat because it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner time. I eat when my stomach growls.

I no longer don’t eat a certain food because it is “bad”.  I can take a few bites and move on, or decide that at that time, I really don’t need to feed the craving and re-direct my focus to something else.

I no longer eat out of boredom…..you know that no healthy eating comes out of boredom lol

These are a few of the things that have changed as I find my very best way of eating.  I’m not that girl anymore who can’t figure out how you could possibly share your dessert.  It’s just not that big of a deal.  If it really came down to it, you could get another dessert……it’s not that serious.

Food is fuel, nothing else.

I realize that food can be a big part of a culture or can be very social but that is a whole different post.  The baseline of food as fuel still applies, even then.

Did my chip story spark anything in you?

Would you be flabbergasted and irritated if someone shared something so yummy or are you someone that doesn’t really care about food outside of fuel and you’d definitely share if someone asked (without being secretly mad about it)?

Have you ever considered being addicted to food?  How does that notion make you feel?

I’d love to continue the discussion about this in the comments!  Feel free to message me as well if you have questions that are too personal.

If you liked this post, you may be interested in my *NEW EBOOK* coming soon!  Contact me to be put on the waiting list so that you will be among the 1st notified when it is released!

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I posted this verse on my Facebook last night.

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.  ~ Romans 5:5-6 The Message

I just finished up my long sought after nutrition training.  I am a certified Revelation Wellness instructor.  I am a forever student of how our mind sabotages our efforts to get, and stay, lean and healthy.  I am so excited to begin coaching others to lasting, sustainable weight loss.  I almost hyperventilate when people reach out and ask me things relating to mindset or small eating tweaks that help change your life for the better.  I genuinely love this place I’ve been called to.  It’s been years of work and major self-discovery, but I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere.  I finally feel that I’m in a good place to help others.

Until I get on social media.

I recently started a course that will teach me how to compile my 1st ebook.  I’m beside myself excited about it, but instead of just getting started on it, I started comparing myself to those farther along than me on social media.

It started out innocently enough.  Just following this person that had good content, which led to following this person….also with good content….so on and so forth until I felt like I was drowning.

Should I really be doing this?  Do people really want weight loss tips from someone who hasn’t lost the weight yet?  If I state something that I feel is true, can I stand my ground or ignore it when people disagree?  Can I be confident enough that I truly feel that I’m sharing truth when others question me?  Would I hire an overweight weight loss coach???

Then I see statements like this, “you only have to be one step ahead of someone else to help them.”  Or, “people will connect with your struggles and your journey, don’t wait to share.”  I am encouraged by these statements, but it’s such a back and forth.

Then I saw the above verse in a book last night.

let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.

I fully believe with everything that I am that my food, weight, and mindset struggles are moving me on toward my purpose.  I truly believe that by my sharing MY journey, others will be encouraged.  I have “tried” so many things that really weren’t my purpose.  I fully believe that is why I’ve struggled with who I am and what I should be doing so much.

I know that this is over preached, but comparison really will keep you stuck.  It will keep you stuck in your health journey (so many diets and/or ways to eat), in your relationships (so many different ways for marriage to work and to parent your children), and in your job (so many ways to make an income).

My husband likes to tease me that I like to buck the system.  If someone gives me rules, I’m going to break them.  He’s probably correct.  I do tend to rebel, however, I feel that I’m doing it because my gut tells me to.  Sometimes I wonder if I am still building a business from nothing and still overweight because I can’t seem to follow a “system”, but if I’m really being true to myself, I just need to do what my gut tells me to do.

I feel that I’ve been so held back in truly living my best life because instead of trusting what I believe God is telling me, I doubt that I really heard Him correctly and try to look for “signs” that I should be following this or that.

I’m honestly done with that.  I’m starting to find that I can see information and decide if it’s for me or not.  I’m developing a filter that stops incoming information and asks, “is this beneficial to you or will it just confuse you?”

I have been feeling a tremendous pressure of “you aren’t good enough to do this”, but I also recognize that as the enemy trying to derail me (thank you, Revelation Wellness).  Whenever there is to be big breakthrough to further God’s kingdom, you can bet that the opposition will come.  I’m so thankful to be able to recognize this and to be able to push through it.

It’s time for me to do me.  And I will cheer you on for you doing you.  Sometimes you will feel led to follow a “proven course” and that is totally ok, but sometimes you will be asked to brave the wilderness and that is ok as well.

No one can do what you were put here to do.  Even those in the same situation don’t have your unique story.

So, with all that being said, I will be sharing my journey and helping those along the way that need help as well.  I will share what I’m learning.  If that is for you, great.  If not, that’s great too! I’m done running down all the paths that present themselves to me.  I know that sometimes there is more than one way to a destination and I am going to pick around the maze until I find the best one for ME.

I would encourage you to do the same.  Stop chasing shiny objects or the next best thing.  Slow down, pray about it, decide what feels like you, then take that path. Blinders on!

 

Sidenote:

I am currently working on my very first ebook….(eeeeeekkkkkkk ;)) that will deal with falling off the diet train for good.  If you are interested in being notified when it’s ready for sale, send me a message and I’ll add you to the list!

 

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I don’t write about this much, but today will be the exception because I feel that I need to get this out there.

Today is the 6th anniversary of my husband’s very unexpected, very sudden passing.  While I still miss him daily, I am finally getting back to being in a pretty good place.  Happy. Content.

Out of all days, yesterday my oldest was home early from school and decided to watch one of her favorite movies…..Christmas Shoes.  If you haven’t seen it, here’s the short version…..the mom is dying and the little boy is anxious to get her a pair of shoes so that she looks beautiful when she meets Jesus.  Anyway, there are some heart-wrenching scenes in the movie.

Her little boy asking her not to go.

Her husband sitting by his very sick and near death wife and her asking him to dance with her.

It put me right back.

I didn’t have any heads up that my husband would die.  I didn’t get to say any final things.  I didn’t get to hear any of his last wishes for his family.

Knowing what comes after the death of a spouse/parent, I started to wonder what it would be like to sit at the side of your loved one knowing that their time was near.  I started to wonder what we’d have said, what we’d have done.  Would we have made videos, written letters, talked about what we should do going on from there?

I don’t know because I didn’t have that chance.  Part of me is glad.  Part of me feels robbed.

What I do want to say is this……..we are all dying.  We may not know that it is imminent, but we are all terminal.

When you are in this situation, or when someone close to you dies, it changes things.  It puts things into perspective. All too often, though, it’s a temporary change.

You get back to normal life and get back into rhythms and the craziness of life and we forget that our days are limited.  Fleeting. So short.

I am in quite a few different widow/widower groups on social media.  The other day one of the men in one of the groups posted a video of him and his late wife dancing in the kitchen.  They knew that she was going to die.  They chose to record memories for those left behind.

The video opens up with her turning on the music and motioning for him to join her.  It was about 7 minutes long.  I maybe watched 2.  I just couldn’t do it.  But how amazing is that for him to have?

I guarantee when he watches it that he can feel her head on his chest, his head on the top of her head, her arm around him, their hands clasped together.  He can smell her, hear her laugh, feel her heart beat against him.

What a gift.

I am absolutely a proponent of recording memories.  Taking pictures and video, but don’t forget to be present in the moment.

Don’t get so caught up in documenting everything that you forget to just be present.  They took the time to set up the camera, but they also forgot about it being there and just soaked each other in.

This fast-paced world that we live in is making us forget that our lives are so fragile.  I am absolutely not saying to walk around in bubble wrap and fear of what your next step could bring, but I am saying to remember that you only have right now.

My husband and I spent a ridiculous amount of time together.  Most of his adult life, he was an ironworker so his work was sporadic.  We heard many comments when he was off that he should be working, but we absolutely loved it when he was off.  We were pretty much dirt poor…..but we were so happy.  We spent money we didn’t have, we made decisions that no one agreed with, we did things that some didn’t understand……but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Stop putting things off.  Stop fighting about little things.  Stop fighting to be right.  Give more than you get.  Go the extra mile even though they may not do it for you.  Take the trip.  Take the time to watch nature.

If I would’ve had advanced notice of my husband’s passing, I’m sure I’d have a lot more things to physically hold but I didn’t have that.  You don’t know if you will either.  Plan accordingly.  Have enough documented to look back on but be present enough to have enough memories burned in your soul that even if that’s all you have, it makes you smile.

I miss him something fierce, but I can almost come up with a memory for everything that happens to us now.  Something that we did, something he said, dumb things he made the kids do, special “just between us” laughs.

I know that everyone says that we don’t know what tomorrow holds.  It’s sort of become cliche.  But when tomorrow turns your life upside down, you remember all the times that people told you that.

As I look back and honor what was, watch movies that make me live loss all over again, and watch beautiful videos that preserve a love for a lifetime I am put right back to that day.

If they didn’t come home tomorrow would the thing you are mad about or frustrated over matter?  If you knew that they only had limited time left, would you let things go?

We all have limited time left.  My challenge to you is to live this daily because you truly do not know what the next phone call or knock on the door could bring.

I am eternally grateful for all the time we “wasted”.  All the time spent glued at the hip.  All the money we didn’t make.  All the money we spent that we couldn’t afford.  All the doubts of us being together at 15 and 17, married at 18 and 20.  Babies at 18, 20, 26, and 28.  Being best friends and “missing out” on boy’s nights and girl’s weekends.  I am grateful for it all and would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

In fact, I am doing it again.  I was blessed with another amazing husband.  We are besties.  We do pretty much everything together.  I do his activities, he supports my crazy ideas.  We create intentional downtime.  We have tons of family time but are very careful to have at least as much couple time.

We carve out little moments to just chat.  Short runs to the store or to pick something (or someone) up.  We strive to not argue about little things (maybe a little spat, but we don’t drag out things that won’t matter in a week).

We don’t have it perfect, but we try.  We are intentional.  We know that life changes in an instant and that we need to make the most of the boring, everyday things.

Take a little time to think about what you would regret if tomorrow didn’t come for someone that you love.  Fix it before it’s too late.

We are all terminal and we don’t know when our last heartbeat will be…….make this moment count.

 

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This post may just be outing myself, but I’m totally ok with being real.

Just curious…..do you ever tell someone that you are crazy busy just to justify why you haven’t met up with someone, or why you haven’t accomplished something, or just simply to get out of being asked to do something?

I just wonder if “crazy busy” is really very real and prevalent or if it’s an easy excuse when you don’t have anything else to say    If you are brave…..share your thoughts with me!!! 

I posed this question yesterday on my Facebook page and got many responses where people shared a little of their story and they really are busy. (this isn’t necessarily a post for those people 😉 )

Here’s my story.  There are times when we are truly busy running from one thing to the next, but it’s honestly not anything that couldn’t be changed if need be, and it’s normally only nights here and there.

I totally understand if you are a single parent, you work full time (or more), or if you have multiple kids in multiple activities.  I’ve been there.  I get the craziness.  This isn’t really questioning you.  It’s more of outing my own talk and way of presenting myself and wondering if I’m a weirdo or if we really do this to ourselves.

I wrote a post in November 2012 that was called Lazy or Living the Dream.  I have honestly always been that person.  Except when I was working full time, I’ve never really been that busy.  Even when I was working full time, I was completely ok with letting some things go, so I never felt like I just couldn’t keep my head above water.

I have been accused by employers of being efficient, so maybe I’m that way at home too.  I don’t know, I just know that when I say I’m busy……it’s not usually the case.

Now, my house isn’t spotless by any means.  It is clean, but not spotless.  My kids aren’t involved in a million things. I do work from home, but it can be done in little bits of time or one larger (but still pretty small) chunk of time.  I make my kids do chores.  They do their own laundry.  I menu plan. When my back isn’t messed up, I like to work out about 5 days a week.

I honestly have quite a bit of time during the day and I think I almost feel guilty about it, like I should constantly be doing something.  But I tend to answer that we’ve been busy when people ask me how things are going.  Why?  To make myself feel better about having a life that’s not consumed by busyness?

Maybe it’s because I just don’t like to be tied down that we aren’t over committed.  Maybe it’s because I like to be spontaneous.  Maybe it’s because I like to be available to my family at a moments notice.

I don’t know why I’m not busy.  Like I said, I now work from home, but even when I was full time, I didn’t feel busy.  Is busy a choice?  Do we let ourselves fall into that trap because it’s the catchphrase right now?  Because we somehow feel that we need (and our kids need) to be involved in everything under the sun to somehow get ahead?  Do we feel that if we have any downtime we are lazy?  What will people think?  Why do we feel that our kids need to go to school all day and then be in organized activity all night, until they shove a quick dinner in their mouth and collapse into their beds only to do it all over again tomorrow?

I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just lucky.  Maybe I just figured it out by accident.  But then why do I tell people that I’m busy?  Just to fit in?  Just to relate?  So they don’t feel bad that they have no breathing room and I do?

I seem to have this question pop up in my head every time I give someone that knee-jerk reaction answer that I’ve been busy…..because I don’t know why I say it.

If you are truly that crazy busy, why?  Are you unrealistic about what you can accomplish?  Are you people pleasing, trying to do the right thing?  Do you just take on too much because you can’t say no?

Don’t send me hate mail, I’m not calling anyone out or saying that you aren’t busy……..I know that some of you really are, by no choice of your own.  I’m just wondering if I’m the only one that almost feels guilty that I’m not, so I hurriedly state that I am, so that you don’t wonder why I’m not involved or something.

The truth is……I am not busy.  I do the things that I need to do.  I get done the things that I need to get done. And I have a lot of downtime……by choice.  We are able to be spontaneous as a family.  I am able to run an errand for my husband or kids when they need me.  I can meet with a friend when it works for them, because I purposely keep it that way.

Should I be giving more of my time?  Maybe, maybe not.  But the more I think about it, the more I like to be basically unscheduled.  I guess I just need to own it and do me.  Maybe it will inspire someone else to take time to enjoy life or not jump into every little thing because they feel that they have to.

Do you ever tell someone something because you feel the need to justify yourself?

Is this just a mental thing for me because I feel less than if I can’t proclaim busyness?

Are you truly busy or are you just carrying that around like a badge of honor, because it’s expected?

If you are truly busy and don’t hate me already…..is there anything you can let go or delegate so that you truly have time to enjoy your life?

Don’t forget to like and share this, I’d love to get some discussion going.  It may just prove that I’m a weirdo….but that’s ok, I can handle it 😉

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.

As I watched all the celebrations, gifts, and group pictures flood my newsfeed, I became increasingly irritated.

Then, last night one of my friends posted this:

I love my children. 
This Mothers Day flat out sucked.
It’s ok to cry. 

And finally, I had a sigh of relief.  Yes and amen.  Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it sucked.

My children woke up in a mood.

One of them went through her usual 800 outfits for church, none of which I approved of, which caused her disrespect and attitude to rear it’s ugly head.  She’d ask my opinion, I’d tell her, she’d get mad and stomp off back to her bedroom.  Vicious cycle.  Also causing her to initiate problems with her sisters because now she’s mad at the world.

Then, as we are getting ready to leave, I squash them taking small bags of chips in the car to eat for breakfast.  Um no.  No chips for breakfast.  Also, no chips to get smashed into my carpet and bags of crumbs to be dumped out and left in the garbage bags on the back of my car seats (also known as pockets for those that don’t have children).

I mean, we don’t go to church every Sunday so they didn’t know that we leave at a certain time and that breakfast needed to be eaten before then.  Because we never go through this scenario on the way out the door every.Sunday.

*insert eyeroll and LOTS of sarcasm*

Then came the 20-minute ride to church.  One was still fired up about the wardrobe and the lack of a chip breakfast and one was mad because there were only 3 of them that went so she couldn’t “call the backseat” with another because they all three sat in the middle seat.  And because one of them will not be with us next weekend, she won’t be able to sit there with her next weekend either……so for 2 whole weeks, she can’t “call the back”.  Insert meltdown.

Two children in two bad moods sitting next to each other in the car can only mean 1 thing.  Cue FIGHTING.

By the time we got to church, they were both banished to their rooms for the rest of the day.  No electronics, no books, no pens/paper, nothing…….just sit.

I should’ve known at that point to stay off social media, but no, I’m a sucker for punishment.

Flowers, extravagant gifts, dinners out, smiling children, husbands praising their wives……….all.of.it.

And I was getting more and more irritated with it, but it was like a train wreck, you just keep looking.

I was determined to not let it affect my mood, but it’s so hard.  It’s so hard to not wish things were different.  Can’t I just have one day that my kids don’t act like kids?

But then that post.  I had considered posting something like it myself, but she beat me to it.

Sure, there are posts that give the warm fuzzies to those that struggle to have children, those that are aunts only, those that have fur-babies, those who choose to be childless………but what about the ones that their kids choose to be jerks.  Those that didn’t get the memo that Mother’s Day is supposed to be all rainbows and butterflies?

Breakfast in bed with flowers? Expensive thank you gifts? Handmade cards telling you how amazing you are, even when they act like jerks?

I know that you are out there.

I know that there are others like me that just wanted yesterday to be over.

I love my girls more than life itself, but yesterday was hard.  And that’s ok.

It’s hard to not compare.  But because I didn’t say anything, I KNOW that there are others who didn’t either.  I KNOW that there are others that posted sweet pics when 5 minutes before, their kids were fighting.  I know that 5 minutes after the pic, the toddler threw an embarrassing tantrum on the sidewalk at church or in the grocery store.

I know that seeing the perfect pics were hard on some of you because your kids were on punishment yesterday and you just wanted to go have a quiet day ALONE……but you feel guilty.  Shouldn’t you want to spend the day with those that gave you the title of Mother?

I love being a mom but yesterday my kids acted like jerks and it’s ok that I wanted to be alone.  It’s ok that I didn’t post on social media because I was mad at them.

Saturday, I posted lots of pics of my kids being silly.  We had a blast at a baseball game.  They didn’t fight.  They weren’t sassy. They didn’t complain.  We just had fun.  We spent too much money and we enjoyed ourselves.

I will consider Saturday my Mother’s Day because my family was together and enjoying life together.

Who cares about Hallmark and their made up holidays anyway?  I don’t need them to tell me that I’m doing a good job as a mom……I am.  And so are you.

I love my children.
This Mothers Day flat out sucked.
It’s ok to cry.

How was your Mother’s Day?

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How many things do we not pursue because we don’t feel like we know enough when education is the very thing we are pursuing?

You are probably wondering what the heck I’m talking about…..let me explain……

I read somewhere about someone that didn’t want to take a certain class because they didn’t know anything about the subject.  I mean, isn’t learning about something the very reason that you take the class?  Who made knowledge of something a pre-requisite to taking a class?  No one that I know of!

As I’ve been sharing about lately, I’m really getting into living toxin free, cleaning up my diet, using holistic remedies, and getting my body back in shape.  There are so many times that I see education that I would like to do but I feel that I don’t know enough to do it.  Since when do we need to be able to teach the class to be able to take it?  That thinking defeats the entire point of taking the class in the first place!!

There is a saying that says “An expert at anything was once a beginner” (or something along those lines).  We all start somewhere.  We don’t need to know what we are doing to start or continue learning. That is why it’s called learning.

I just wonder how many times we hold back what we do know because we feel that it’s not enough but are too nervous to learn more.  Too nervous to put ourselves out there without all of our credentials?

Les Brown says that if you are the smartest person in the room, you need to find a new room.

Learning should be lifelong.  And we shouldn’t not do something because we are a beginner and feel inferior to those with more expertise and background.  They, too, had to start from the beginning.

Are there things that you aren’t doing because you don’t feel like you know enough?

Maybe you aren’t speaking up about healthy eating because you are new on your journey.  Maybe you don’t want to enroll in a computer class because you don’t even know how to turn your computer on.  Maybe you don’t want to ask a question on a forum because you feel that you will be judged if you ask a question deemed “dumb” by those more experienced than you.  Maybe you feel that you can’t start a new life path because “you’ve never done anything like this before”, even though you are passionate about it.

We need to stop this holding ourselves back because we think we need to be knowledgeable in every area before we start anything new.  Learning comes from doing.  Learning comes from immersing ourselves in something and asking (even seemingly dumb) questions.

It’s funny because if you dive in and learn what you are searching for, all of a sudden, you have something new that you need to learn to compliment what you learned in the first place.  Even highly successful people need to keep learning.  In fact, successful people will tell you that they never stop learning! They are always doing self-development and searching for new ways to do things.

If you are the smartest person in the room, find a new room

Don’t let being a beginner hold you back.  Plow boldly into education then apply it.  Ask questions.  Blow off anyone that is rude or that feels that your question is too easy; just remember they started somewhere too.  Once you find yourself in a good place, look for those just starting out to help.  Show them grace and compassion and help them move up the knowledge scale.

Learn. Apply. Give back. Repeat.

Stop being afraid to step out.  The greatest growth happens in the scary places.  Get uncomfortable.  Do something you’ve never done.  Remember that if you want something that you’ve never had, you have to do something that you’ve never done.

Have you ever found yourself in that place that you won’t step out to learn something because you don’t know enough yet?  Doesn’t that sound ridiculous when put in writing?  “I can’t learn that because I don’t know it yet”

Stay true to yourself, push past your comfort zone and change your world!

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With today being the day after Easter, my newsfeed has been filled with infographics of how much exercise to do to burn off the Easter goodies.

We.need.to.stop.this.madness!

As I’ve been on this journey of health, fitness, and wholeness I’ve realized how many times I’ve fallen into this trap of punishing my body because of something (or many somethings) that I’ve eaten.  Maybe you do this too?

I’ll do an extra 1/2 hour on the treadmill because I ate those cookies.

I’ll workout this morning so that tonight I can eat cake after dinner.

I’m going to push extra hard today so that I can nosh on chips and salsa at the birthday party tonight.

Or maybe it’s not punishing your body, but your mind because of your indulgence.

I did it AGAIN.  I’ll never be able to lose the weight.

I can’t seem to get this right.  I might as well start again on Monday.  Let’s eat junk the rest of this day (week, month) so I get it out of my system to start on Monday. 

I finally got down to my goal weight and will not have that cake at my daughter’s birthday because it will cause me to get fat again.  Will power don’t fail me now.

You are such a loser.  How many times are your going to start again?  This cycle has been with you your whole life, you might as well just give up.

I could go on and on and on.  This has been my life cycle.  This is the cycle of so many women that I know (men too).

Food is not the issue.

The issue is much much deeper.

And it is more widespread than I ever realized until I started training in this field.  I still struggle and I’ve been training in health and fitness for over a year now.

I got to the point that for the 1st time in over 16 years I was actually losing weight.  Then I fell off the wagon.  Slowly, but it happened.  For about 4 months, I’ve been chasing after the wagon to jump back on, but just can’t seem to keep my grip.

I know how good I felt following a system that I *knew* I was going to hate.  I know how much energy I had.  I know how easy it was.  I loved not having sweet treats call to me all.the.time.  I loved how my clothes were starting to fit.  I swore that I would NOT go into my 38th birthday feeling the same way and looking the same way that I did on my 37th birthday.

Now, here I am closing in on 38 and I’m still the same weight (I gained back what I lost).  Still in the same clothes.  Tired all the time again.  Back pain again.  Cranky again. Craving sugar again.

I get it.  I’m in it with you.  However, one thing is different this time.

I REFUSE TO HATE MY BODY.

I refuse to punish my body because of the choices that I consciously made.  I refuse to fall back into the trap of picking apart my capable body. I refuse to starve myself to compensate for too many indulgences.  I refuse to injure myself pushing past exercise limits because my food choices have been less than stellar.  I won’t do it.  I am not worth less because I backslid a little, as far as healthy eating is concerned.

I refuse to condemn a body that is still able.  Still able to exercise.  Still able to walk.  Still able to run.  Still able to kickbox.  Still able to take care of my family.  Still able to chew my food.  Still able to prepare food that is good for me.  Still able to do all the activities with my family that I want to.

Am I a little irritated at myself that I’m not yet where I want to be? yep

Am I a little irritated that I let myself go back to where I started? yep

But I can be irritated, annoyed, frustrated and not stay there.  I can feel those things and not shame or hate my body.  I can feel those feelings and not start to hate the way my body looks and feels.

Instead, I will be grateful.  I will be grateful that I am able to start again.  I am grateful that I have the ability to move.  I have the ability to take care of my family.  I have the ability to use a system that is so easy to follow.  I have the ability to eat real, non-processed, healthy food because it’s available.  I have the privilege to make better choices, I’m not forced to eat something less than nutritious because that is all that is available to me.

I have so much in this life. I will continue to look for things to be happy about.  I will continue to pursue thankfulness. I will continue to feel my feelings but I will use them as motivation to move forward.  I only fail when I stop trying.  I know that I’ve learned lessons during these months of backsliding.  I will use those lessons to propel me forward.  I will start again.

We have got to stop punishing ourselves or feeling guilty when we step out of our goals.

Our bodies are amazing.  We need to treat them as such.  Stop the punishment.  Stop the rules.  Stop stepping out of life because you are so focused on every.little.morsel of food.

Sometimes you have to be happy with good enough.  Eat healthy food because you want to feel strong.  Eat healthy because you want to have an amazing quality of life.  Eat healthy because you want to feel comfortable in your clothes.  But don’t punish yourself when you slip a little.

There are so many more layers of why we fall off the healthy eating wagon…..but I won’t go into them in this post.  I will just leave it at this…..

Stop punishing yourself for eating.  Stop hating your body.

Move your body because you are able.  Move your body because it’s good for stress relief.  Move your body because it helps you feel energized.  Move your body to stay in the best health you can.  Move your body to give thanks that you can.

BUT don’t move it because you ate out of an Easter basket.  Or some pizza. Or your birthday cake.

Is this your mindset?  Do you struggle with this? What about yourself can you appreciate so that it changes your perspective?  Let’s chat, leave a comment below!

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After I hit publish on my last blog post, I received a message on facebook.  This message let me know that my blog is a blessing to this woman and that she fully believes that others are being reached through my writing.

Now, I am not saying this to brag.  I’m not looking for attention or for anyone to offer up more compliments.  It just made me start thinking that we don’t tell people enough how we feel about them.

Every day we are on social media.  Do we throw out a random like or do we just mindlessly scroll and say nothing?  I know, personally, I like a lot more things than I actually comment on.  Or I just don’t do anything at all.  I just don’t take the time.  But this message was absolutely balm to my soul.  I’ve struggled with getting back into writing and sometimes it just feels like too much.  Not needed, not wanted, not worth the effort.  This comment, that took very little time to write, re-set my brain to remember why I write.

What if we all started taking a minute to tell someone that they blessed you?  What if we reached out to let others feel that they are loved and seen?

Maybe it would give someone the little boost that they need to carry on if we took the time to tell them how much they mean.

• The mom that is at home every day with small children
• The widow that is trying to move through grief and learn how to parent without her husband
• The working mom that is trying to balance it all
• The mom that is starting a work from home business so that she can be with her kids and contribute to her family’s income
• The single teenager that is trying to survive high school and figure the world out
• The grandmother who is seeing their children or grandchildren self-destruct and are powerless to do something about it
• The girl that has always battled weight and is now committed to being active and eating well
• The woman that is appearing to be seeking attention, because you know that there are deeper issues going on

We just never know what is going on behind closed doors.  We never know what someone is hiding.  We never know what is behind the smile.

Maybe your 30 seconds that it takes to write a heartfelt comment to someone will give them the strength to make it to bedtime.  Or the will to carry on when everything looks bleak.  Or the ability to walk away from the cookie that is calling out of loneliness or boredom.  Maybe it will give fresh inspiration to the business builder that the hours and hours of seemingly worthless work really is paying off; maybe it really is worth the grind.

We all want to be seen, loved, and known.  Are you willing to take a minute and be that light in someone’s life?

At some point we have all wanted to throw in the towel, we have all wanted to quit.

My mom is an amazing example of this type of encouragement.  She is always sending out cards with Bible verses on them and a little note telling the recipient how good they are doing.

Does this take a lot of time? nope

Does it take a lot of money? nope

Does it encourage and let someone know that they are worth the time and energy it took to send it? yep

Does it make someone know that you are thinking about them and that they are doing a good job? yep

We need to give away what we need.  If we want to feel loved, valued, and seen, we need to start by giving it away.  Reach out to someone that inspires you, or someone that you know is walking through a rough time, or just someone that posted something that you liked.

As I get older, I realize how much we were made for community.  I realize how much we need to be involved in others’ lives and how much we need them involved in ours.

So, take the time to reach out and encourage.  You never know much someone may need it.  You never know when you may be an answer to prayer.  You never know when your words were exactly what someone needed to hear at exactly that time.

Send a text, send a FaceBook message, send a snail mail card, send a little gift, give them a phone call……just do something.  Be a blessing.  You will feel better because of it and so will they.

Have you ever received just the right words at just the right time?  How did it affect your mood, day, business, parenting, marriage?  What can you do to bless those around you?

Let’s connect…..share ideas below in the comments or share an instance where you were blessed unexpectedly!

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(and to you that sent me the message, thank you!)